Logical Psycho

Jack-o-Lantern

2007-10-31T18:10:00.000-04:00

I stumbled upon the history of the Jack-o-Lantern today and thought I would share it...

For those of you unfamiliar with the holiday, the primary symbol of Halloween is the jack-o-lantern, a symbol you make by hollowing out a pumpkin, carving a face into the hollowed-out gourd, then placing a lighted candle inside. According to legend, the jack-o-lantern got its start many, many years ago, when a drunkard and ne’er do well named Jack tricked the Devil into climbing a tree; once the Devil was safely ensconced in the branches, Jack carved a cross into the tree trunk, something that prevented the Devil from climbing down. Jack agreed to help the Devil down on one condition: that the Devil would never bother him again.
A few years later Jack died, and when he went up to heaven he was denied entrance because of his wicked ways. That sent him … downstairs … where he was refused entrance because he had previously tricked the Devil. As a result, Jack was condemned to roam the earth forever although, as a sort of consolation prize, the Devil did give him a lighted candle to help him make his way through the dark.

Boosted from the Scripting Guys...

Hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

Give me 110%...

2007-09-26T17:34:00.000-04:00

or get your filthy eyes off my blog!

Tiger History

Tigers road trip to ATL for a game against the Bumblebee's this Saturday.

I'm glad college football is back.

High Out-501

2007-09-18T19:04:00.000-04:00

Since I can remember I have been involved in a team sport of some kind. It started at a young age where I played t-ball wearing white polyester pants and a baby blue shirt with the team name scripted across the front. Later in life I moved on to basketball. I loved it much more than t-ball, but sadly I am white, short, and not John Stockton. Then came soccer. I was quick, tenacious, and somewhat skilled, but soccer was way too competitive at the higher levels, so in college I found Ultimate Frisbee. I didn't think I could find a sport that challenged me more than soccer, but Ultimate was more than I could hope for. After college I attempted to play tennis, but that didn't amount to more than 2 seasons of beat downs. Recently I have joined a dart league with a few friends. What started as a fun pub game we would play while our wives gossiped in another part of the bar has turned into a weekly organized event.

Recently I competed in a game of 501 where darts are thrown and the total points scored is subtracted starting at 501 until one player has no points. The twist is that you have to double-out. What does that mean?? It means that you have to hit a double number to end the game. If you have 20 points left, you have to hit a double ten. My accomplishment was that I hit a 110 out 20-T20-D15.

This was a big deal and I would have gotten a plaque at the end of the year if it hadn't been for Wes...
Damn you Wes.

iPhone Frappe

2007-09-11T19:48:00.000-04:00

Ran across this and had forgotten about this site...

Blender + iPhone = Awesome Video

I'll bet that's how many people felt after the price of the iPhone plummeted 200$ only 3 months after being released...

And now there are more iPods to choo-choo-choose from. When will Apple product exposure reach saturation??

Back for now...

2007-09-10T19:02:00.000-04:00

Wow,

what has happened since I have been gone...

Lindsay Lohan got in trouble with the law
Lindsay Lohan got in trouble with the law
I joined a dart league with some friends
I got my wife pregnant!!!
I re-enrolled in my Master's program
Clemson broke into the top 20 in the AP poll
Michael Vick got in trouble with the law
I installed wood flooring in my house

Man things have been crazy...I am excited to be back if only in a limited capacity. I will try to update as often as I can. Goodness knows that I will have plenty to talk about simply regarding the pregnancy. As a matter of fact:

I am having a daughter. Her name will be Emma and I couldn't be more excited. I won't lie and tell you that I wasn't rooting for a boy (c'mon Y chromosome!! You can do it!!!), but I am floored about having a little girl. Pink is my new favorite color and I can't wait to be a sucker for my princess. I can't wait to record her first piano or dance recital...I can't wait to tell her that she is daddy's little angel as she lies to me about who broke the glass in the kitchen...and I especially can't wait to intimidate every snot-nose, prepubescent, hormone-raging, trouser stain that talks to my baby.

It's an obvious choice but I don't have to be crafty all the time

An Explanation

2007-06-14T19:33:00.000-04:00

Hey sports fans... sadly I will be taking a short (hopefully) respite from the blogging world to play catch up at my internship.

I am sure over the next few weeks I will come up with some gems to write about, but til then

PEEECE!!!

Edisto: In Retrospect

2007-06-11T19:00:00.000-04:00

For once, Mapquest was dead on. We arrived in Edisto Beach, SC at 3:30pm and it was beautiful. No chain restaurants cluttering the drive, no gaudy neon advertising monstrosities, and a house that slept 10-15 people was what we were greeted with. We sat on a deck facing the ocean which had a staircase that descended directly to the beach. Staggered arrivals found all parties enjoying cold beer and stories by 4:30pm and questions about what to do for dinner by 5:30pm. Two pizzas, some wings, and a handful of chicken fingers later the young adults were getting restless about the SABTOC .

Long story short...I won that bitch. I am the champion.

Til next year

Beirut: Edisto Style

2007-06-05T12:41:00.000-04:00

My wife asked me a couple of days ago if we needed to pack a swimsuit for our trip to Edisto, SC this weekend. There's a beach, sand, ocean...all things that seem a prerequisite for packing a suit, but most of the action that will go down will likely be the fierce competition of beirut in search of the pewter platter prize: the (still to be named) Cup.

According to legend, the (still to be named) Cup is an amalgamation of many other tournament trophies that Robb Calhoun was awarded, nay, honored with in his glorious victories across the world. Upon returning from his global domination, he felt sad and empty although he had won so many trophies. Soon, an idea came to him. Using his formal training in metallurgy and blacksmithing, Robb irreverently melted down the trophies he had won and formed the (still to be named) Cup...the Championship of beirut championships.

Defending champion Robb Calhoun defeated his only brother, Jake in a dogfight that lasted 12 hours in the FABTOC (First Annual Beirut Tournament of Champions). After many successful redemptions, reracks, spinouts, and controversy, Robb held the cup victorious and the brothers shook hands in the name of sportsmanship. This time, in the SABTOC, Robb will have to hold and maintain his title against a larger field of opponents. Also, he will have to beware of his notorious "elbow violations".

As the competition nears, more information will be available as to who will be participating in the SABTOC. Preliminary reports indicate that the Robert and Polly will attend, as well as Jake and Lindsay, and Brad and his new girlfriend as well as Robb and Libby and of course, Mike and Susan.

Classic Onion

2007-05-31T13:54:00.000-04:00

Like OMG, TISNF!!!!

MySpace Outage Leaves Millions Friendless

They forgot to say that it left many sexual predators without anything to do on their Thursday afternoon:)

Mexi-cation

2007-05-31T12:36:00.000-04:00

Mexi-cation

noun-a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; more specifically a trip taken to the Mexican Riviera by the Riede's, Muirs, and the Vitali's in July 2007.

In a little over a month we will be headed for the beautiful beaches of Playa del Carmen where we will enjoy an all-inclusive 5 night furlough. Not to ruin the surprise, but there is a "Liquor Dispenser" in each room along with a mini bar which holds juices, soda, and domestic beers. "A mini bar comes stocked with cold water, soda and domestic beer and a liquor dispenser; if it runs low, a quick call to Palace Express guarantees a quick delivery." Is this heaven on earth?

Not to pigeonhole the trip as an excuse to stay slobbering drunk (hell, I could do that here for much cheaper). I am trying to think of things that I want to accomplish while we are there. I would like to avoid getting a (bad) sunburn. I don't want to throw up in the pool (2 poolside bars do not make that easy). I would rather not throw up at all.

When I normally go out with my wife and our friends in town, I stick to beer for 2 reasons: 1) I can effectively monitor my level of intoxication with beer (and I have to since I am the driver) and 2) Beer is cheaper--plain and simple. What is to happen when those 2 safegaurds are tossed out the proverbial window??

Liquor before beer, you're in the clear
Beer before liquor, never been sicker

I guess my ultimate goal is to stay inebriated to a point that I don't get sick and don't get sober. Maintain the buzz.

Celeb Thoughts

2007-05-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

Lindsay "Blow"han is once again in trouble with drugs and alcohol and Michael Vick is under suspicion of being involved in a dog fighting ring at his home in Virginia...our children are in trouble if these people are role models.

I guess what I can't understand is the mentality of celebrities that they have to drive. I can understand that the ability to drive is a certain freedom that can't be matched, BUT when you are in a position to afford a personal driver, a limousine, be it Hummer, Navigator, whatever, why wouldn't you take that precaution??

That's why I am going to invent the "Drunk Socialite - Virtual Driver Vehicle Apparatus"or...

The DS-VDVA ( patent pending)

The DS-VDVA offers the drunk socialite the illusion that he/she is driving the car when in fact the car is being driven by remote control at a centralized location. Sensors in the vehicle will detect Blood Alcohol Volume whereby an alarm will be sounded for the system to initiate if the level of alcohol exceeds the amount relegated by that state's law. Multiple cameras on the vehicle will give the sober operator the ability to properly accelerate, brake, and turn the car. This way the client in the vehicle will still feel like they are driving but they really won't. Our motto, "You drink, we'll drive."

Potential clients include Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, George Michael, and Paris Hilton.

In completely unrelated news:

The top box office numbers are in and the winner's podium goes to Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End, Shrek the Third, and Spiderman 3. I wonder if there has ever been a weekend that the top three movies are the third installments of trilogies? Probably not.

Memorial Day Weekend Marathon 2007

2007-05-26T08:55:00.000-04:00

Friday marked the North Aiken ladies' last full day of school. Needless to say celebration was in order for these tireless women who fight to teach and tolerate those that are less fortunate and more trouble. Some will teach summer school and others won't but regardless, Friday night was a time to rejoice in the end of another year. Significant others attended the ladies for dinner and drinks...and dancing.

Saturday Polly and I tripped to Charelston for the day to meet with Robin and Jason. We met at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. for lunch. The Riede's took the Vitali's in the first ever and only ever Forrest Gump trivia championship. After lunch the foursome went shopping in the market and on King St. We looked at a lot of things that we couldn't afford and then didn't buy them.

Sunday was spent at a friend's house swimming and grilling. Today (Monday) I am feeling the stupidity of refusing sun screen. O-U-C-H. However, I was named the best belly flopper of the day! The things we do for the approval of our peers. Sunday night we met with my family for a lovely Japanese steakhouse dinner where we could prove to Laurie the existence of Irish Travelers.

Who knows what today will bring...

Rock your F&*#$ socks off!

2007-05-25T14:50:00.000-04:00

I forgot how much this song rocks my face off.

Also, feel free to check out singer/songwriter/chickie Colbie Caillat here. Bubbly is a personal favorite.

Top 5 songs on my iPod right now:
1: Only You- Yaz/Josh Radin
2: Wake Up Call- Maroon 5
3: Hey There Delilah- Plain White Tees
4: Home- Mark Broussard
5: Helena- Nickel Creek

Check 'em out if you haven't already!!!!

Finale Fodder

2007-05-25T09:13:00.000-04:00

With the finales of Lost (will they actually get rescued?), American Idol (Melinda shoulda won), Scrubs (J.D. and Elliot are going to get together or aren't they?), The Office (Pam and Jim might finally get together!), and Desperate Housewives (Bree is back feigning pregnancy to protect her daughter, Carlos and Gabi are together again, Lynette has cancer, Mike and Susan finally got married, and Edie hung herself) gone and over, there exists a gap in the Riede household as of what to watch Sunday-Thursday evenings. We could do something positive, like, say, read a book, go out for a walk, or plant a tree.

Meh.

Thank heaven for Fox's So you think you can dance. Or as I like to call it.

So you think you wear pants
or
So you think your name's Lance

Anyway.

Just when we started to get the DT's from Idol withdrawal, Cat, Dan, Nigel, and Mary are back with auditions from the professional and gifted to the profoundly retarded. This lead to some impromptu demonstrations from my wife and myself to show that "we still got it". While my wife has had many years of classical dance training, not to mention several years on the dance team at her college alum, I have only dabbled in Ballroom and the remainder tof my training comes from the street...hahahahah! Okay, I learned to dance by going to clubs and watching the Wade Robson Project alone in my room. Needless to say, our "demonstrations" were rusty and embarrassing (mostly on my part). That's what I love about being married. You are free to make an ass out of yourself without fear of alienating the other person.

Everyone have a great Memorial Day Weekend!!!

Click on Napoleon for a fun show!

There she goes...

2007-05-17T11:06:00.000-04:00

You asked for it, here it is: Your American Idol Post

And then there were two. Melinda Doolittle was ~~cheated~~ ousted last night as the competition was trimmed from a threesome to the final two: Jordan and Blake

Bogus. Fraud. Sham.

This outcome goes to show that you should never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers. Obviously (to anyone that has watched the show), Melinda deserved to be in the final two being the most consistent and talented of any Idol season (I have only watched this season, but she is that good that I don't have to know what happened in the previous seasons to know that she is by far the best). So if that is the truth, what the hell happened?

Girls between the age of 12 and 17...that's what happened. Shame on you! A plague o' both your houses!!!

Blake is a talented and attractive young man with multi colored hair and his finger lies firmly on the pulse of contemporary flair. This, of course, gives him the high-pitched squealing tween and teen chick vote.

"Like, OMG Blake is so AWSM!!!"

Although my wife did her best to cancel out every one of those air-headed, know-nothings, her efforts were thwarted as she was only given three hours and a limited battery to cast her votes. Don't get me wrong, Blake has a niche. His scatting/beatboxing/overall hipness is to be commended. He is a good singer. He isn't great. His rendition

Melinda and Jordan should have been the final 2. And I think Blake knows it. It's not his fault, but I bet he had trouble sleeping last night.

Mother's Day

2007-05-16T15:12:00.000-04:00

The Longo Boys and Momma celebrating Mother's Day

I just wanted to send a Happy Mother's Day ~~shout out~~ blessing to all mothers: expecting, rookies, veterans, adoptive, pseudo-moms, in-laws, outlaws, step moms, den mothers, class mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, pet mothers, and all other mothers; any woman that has given any motherly advice, comfort, or security to anyone, ever...

THANK YOU!!!!!

Post Lobster Races

2007-05-06T18:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, so we actually saw 2 total heats of racing lobsters..."Race" shouldn't really be part of the description of what goes on when the lobsters are put into their respective "tracks." In one particular heat, not one of the 5 competing crustaceans seemed to care about their objective. It took some ~~cheating~~ prodding to get the race underway.

I know what you're thinking: "Robert, Lobster Races don't really sound all that exciting."

You're right.

When you combine live music, local foods, and friends (and alcohol) you can have fun doing just about anything.

Here are some pictures from the festivities!!

Crustacean Chase

2007-05-04T10:56:00.000-04:00

Today, Friday, May 4th, 2007 marks the 250th annual running of the Maine Lobster Races here in glorious Aiken, SC. Okay, maybe it's not the 250th annual or even the 200th. I think they started it in the mid 1980s as a spoof on the running of the Kentucky Derby. Downtown Aiken will be blocked off as local restaurants and stores will be peddling their wares, a local band will take the main stage, and lobsters will be racing in separate heats to win their freedom (the winner of each heat is granted reprieve, the rest are given their hot bath to heaven).

As the night rolls in the family crowd will thin as the seedier citizens surface. There will be underage drinking and numerous public regurgitations. The smell of garbage cans containing half-eaten funnel cake and cans of domestic beer backwash will waft in contained areas. All in all the usual crowd will be there...Aiken events down town are like high school reunions: everybody knows everybody and a caste system of cliques and popularity is evident.

I'll try to post pictures this weekend...

Lobster Race!!!

Addendum

2007-05-01T15:12:00.000-04:00

I thought I had it all covered.

Recently a friend of mine faced similar opposition when dealing with FedEx and I felt I should learn from his experience.

Aware that my computer would be delivered today, I left a friendly and informative note for the delivery guy stating that I authorized him to leave the packages at my front door step in case there wasn't anyone home (cause I would be at work, as would my wife). I signed it. I even left the tracking numbers of the packages to be left at the door since there would be more than one package. I even called 2 days ago asking if I needed a special "door tag" to officially allow packages to be left at my door. I asked this question directly relating to this website where it indicates that "Indirect Signature" means that signing a FedEx door tag will allow the driver to leave the package at the door. The woman told me no, that any piece of paper would be sufficient.

I was wrong.

After hours of checking the e-updates through the tracking numbers I read the words - Delivery Exception- customer not available...

I went through all the BULLSHIT and came up with empty hands. I have called FedEx and I can't pick it up myself without chancing a 24/48 hour delay. AND, even if I sign the door tag that is hanging from my doorknob right now, it is the driver's discretion to leave the package if he thinks it's safe to leave. I can't change the address the package will be delivered to, only the shipper can. And that will delay shipment as well. So now, my computer is floating out there somewhere, alone with a stranger, helpless.

Needless to say, I am angry. The customer service for FedEx sucks. Wait time on the phone was short and the operators were kind, apologetic, and helpful, but it seems that their hands were tied by a system that doesn't allow them to help the customer.

I won't be using their services anytime soon.

May Day....May Day....May Day

2007-05-01T11:25:00.000-04:00

Today I will be receiving my new computer from Dell after the BSOD encounter from last Friday. Let me preface: Friday morning of last week, my wife was using the computer and it began to make a clicking noise. As the resident techie I went to investigate and encountered the ill-received Blue Screen of Death (BSOD). After reboot I realized that there was a problem with my hard drive, I couldn't boot up at all and I cried with no shame. I regretted all those times I said that I would back up my files and never did.
At our home, being unplugged for more than 12 hours is unacceptable so I took the opportunity to upgrade to a new computer. I was on the phone with Dell by 11am and my order was placed shortly thereafter. Upon returning home from work that evening I found that my laptop simply needed a rest and booted up without incident. It has been working since and I have properly backed up all files. Although I could have cancelled my order from Dell, I took this event as a sign that it was time to get a new system.

I must say that the turn-around from ordering from Dell Friday and receiving Tuesday is quite exceptional. Now I wait at my desk, clicking the Tracking number from FedEx as I wait for the message "Package Delivered" so I can fake a stomachache, go home early from work and play with my new toy.

Under the Hood - Robert's Compy 2.1

Intel Core 2 Duo (1.8g, 800FSB)
250g hard drive
2G RAM
20in (viewable) wide-screen flat panel monitor
256mg Radeon Video Card
16x DVD +/- RW drive

Dude, I'm getting another Dell...sorry, I couldn't resist

Bloggers Block?

2007-04-30T13:11:00.000-04:00

This is the anti-post...I have had no muse, no inspiration for ranting and raving.

I have recently been reading up on Lotus Notes in anticipation of a job offer from an interview I had almost two weeks ago. If I end up getting the job, nepotism will have reached new heights as I am not scholastically qualified for the position. However, I do have the technical mindset and the potential to be great in the position. I felt important in my suit as I introduced myself. I felt the interviews went well and I hope I hear back something soon.

Other than that, I can't say much. Life is good. I'll return with more if the inspiration comes.

Condolences

2007-04-17T13:18:00.000-04:00

May God's grace and mercy be with those affected by yesterday's shooting at Virginia Tech.

May God's judgment on the wicked be swift.

Enough

2007-04-05T09:18:00.000-04:00

As a part of the minority of TV viewers that weren't glued to the screen Tuesday and Wednesday nights for the 'American Idol' phenomenon for the past 5 years, I didn't understand the big deal with people being voted off...

Those years have come and gone. Get that no-talent, grinning-idiot off the damn show.

Kudos to the guys over at bustedtees.com for this bitchin' shirt graphic.

Updatin' Like Crazy

2007-03-28T15:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a quick rundown of the recent goings on in my marvelous microcosm

ENGAGEMENT and more!!!
My brother John recently asked his girlfriend Lauren to marry him and she was kind enough to oblige...Jon Jon is getting married!!!! We are all very excited for him:) And if that wasn't enough great news for him, the betrothed couple also purchased a home as well!!! How very wonderful!

FERTILE MYRTLE
My sister just found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant with her third child. Blaze (my nephew) has quite a job ahead of him as big brother to Carol Ann, Heather, and the soon-to-be-named sibling on the way!

For he's a jolly good fellow...
Big John had a birthday. What a great way to spend family night. The birthday boy is the one in the feather boa.

What Horse? I didn't see no stinkin' horse!
Last weekend was the Spring Steeplechase here in Aiken. Family and close friends were on hand to make this years "Ritali" population quadruple from last year's attendance. Truckloads of sunblock were on hand to fight the harmful UV attack from our precious solar system's star. It was used liberally and I am happy to say that Polly and I came out with little to no sunburn at all. We also hydrated ourselves with plenty of beer (there's water in beer, right?). Wagering for the weekend didn't go very well at all. I was the first player out of the poker game the night before the races and didn't win a single pot on any of the horses I picked.

Funny Pants Week (AKA White Male Executive Mecca)
Master's Week descends upon the CSRA next week. Hundreds of thousands will converge upon this region to see the Azalea's, Amen Corner, and the manicured lawns of the Augusta National. Houses will be rented, parties will rage, and cigars will be smoked...most importantly it is a break for my wife Polly. She gets some time to herself next week:)

Anyway, that's the rundown for now...later people.

I Heart Wikipedia- The Grog Post

2007-03-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

Avast maties, scrub the poop deck and hoist the sails!

I said "poop"

Let me describe the evolution of a blog post:
Today I began with an idea of what I was going to write about. I thought I should do a preemptive, St. Patrick's Day Eve post describing some of the traditions associated with this holiday. I would of course mention beer, green beer, the Irish, whiskey, parties, parades, and snakes in this lil' post 'o mine. My mind jumped to something I recalled from John Leguizamo's One-Man show, "Freak" where he encountered a group of drunken Irish brothers whom he nicknamed, Grog, Ale, Mead, Killian, Guinness, and Stout. I began to think, "I don't know what Grog is."

Wikipedia to the rescue.

While I still am not sure about what Grog is exactly (from what I could gather it had something to do with dilution of rum with fresh water and citrus juices), what I did learn is the history of this drink has a direct relation to why the British are sometimes referred to as limeys.

In an effort to ration rum, British sailors on board with Admiral Edward Vernon often cut the rum with water and limes or other citrus juices. This practice also made them one of the more healthy because unbeknownst to them, the sailors were fending off diseases, mainly scurvy, by consuming vitamin C in their "Grog." Hence, British sailors were referred to as "limeys" because of all the limes they would consume with their rum concoction. Although "limey" is derogatory nomenclature, it holds an inherent value of blind luck and intelligence

  "A mighty bowl on deck he drew.
 And filled it to the brink;
 Such drank the Burford's gallant crew,
 And such the gods shall drink,
 The sacred robe which Vernon wore
 Was drenched within the same;
 And hence his virtues guard our shore,
 And Grog derives its name."

Learnt sumptin new e'ry day.

coming tomorrow- the St. Patty's Day Post

Pi Day

2007-03-14T13:43:00.001-04:00

Today is my birthday!!! No, really, it is...

For all of you math geeks out there, today is a day to celebrate...

It is Pi day. March 14th. Like April 20th (4/20) for potheads, today is a day for math nerds to unite, have a party and calculate...stuff. If you want to really geek out, you'll have your Pi part today at 1:59

The only thing I remember about Pi is that when you multiply it times the square of the circle's radius, you have the area of the circle. Pi r squared. Combine that with the Pythagorean Theorem and that is all I learned from high school geometry.

For those of you who care what the number Pi is to 49 places, here you go...

3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510

Zoe Watch...number 3???

2007-03-12T13:49:00.000-04:00

I think the last time I posted about Zoe was titled, "Zoe Watch...numero 2" or something like that. Seems that I haven't mentioned her in any recent posts and thought it would be a good one to start with.

On Friday, my wife and I took our youngest dog, Zoe to her vet appointment which was the last round of "puppy shots." The last two shots protect her from Parvo and Rabies. Also, after weighing her, we found out that Zoe is a healthy 6.2lbs and her rectal temperature was normal, so she's got that going for her. As far as personality, Zoe is still hard-headed. She eats her sister's food, poops when she's angry, and is still chewing things that she shouldn't. She is sleeping through the night and has learned how to "sit".
Overall, we are very happy with how she is doing. She is still fearless when taking on her sister Lilly who outweighs her by at least 10lbs. However, when she wants down from the couch she whines like a baby...go figure.

March is a busy month for the Riede's. Birthdays, Horses, and McFly's...oh my!! Posts with pictures to come: Triple Crown Street Fair, St. Patrick's Day, Aiken Trials, Steeple Chase, just to name a few. Back with more!!!

Love the mullet you crafty bastard.

Through the Looking Glass

2007-03-07T13:01:00.000-05:00

My absence has gone on long enough, time to blog...

Many years ago I started on a path that continues on today...my journey into hipster stardom has now peaked with the addition of square-framed, rimless on the bottom eyeglasses to my accessory ensemble. Armed with my iPod, ripped jeans (due to wear, not factory torn), a vintage t (one size too small), and now the specs have I have not rounded out my outfit. The amazing thing about any accessory, be it glasses, a wedding ring, body piercings, or children (it is sad to think of kids as accessories, but that's just how some parents view their children) is that they give you various credibility with that particular subculture. Married couples typically gravitate towards other married couples, those that have children often arrange activities with other parents, and people with nose rings are mostly found hanging out with another bearing a body piercing of some sort. These groups are reminiscent of high school cliques without the overbearing issue of popularity, although some groups do think they are better than others. I guess my point is that we surround ourselves with people that are going through the same problems and sharing our achievements and failures with them. These people understand us and can truly sympathize with our struggles. They can offer wisdom and insight as well as serve as an outlet for frustration.

I haven't truly gotten used to my looking glass yet, but I am getting there. However, I feel a certain bond now with the rest of the eyeglass wearing world.

So many sports, so little time

2007-02-14T12:04:00.000-05:00

With pro football season officially over (not that I gave a crap anyway, my football team sucked this year and they fired their coach...I'm bitter, but on a brighter side they did win the Super Bowl last year) I have become more focused on the good ol' Clempsun Tiga's and the soap opera that has consumed the athletics department and the AARC. Check out DFIG, The Sporting Gnomes, or TigerNet to get full updates on the current state of affairs.

Lately there hasn't been a dull moment for Clemson Athletics fans.

Signing day brought about an air of excitement, promise of the future, and a distraction from the steaming pile of crap that was the last half of our previous football season. However, this "air" was sucked out swiftly when several recruits were denied entry by the academic review committee and signed with other educational institutions which have comparable, if not, more rigid entrance standards. Academics and athletics have been at each other's throats and Clemson fans are getting frustrated. But, Hey...at least we got Willie Korn...that counts for something, right? I hope this young man knows the expectation to which he is being raised. I first heard of him 2 years ago, when he was still a sophomore in high school. Clemson football fans have been foaming at the mouth to see what this kid can do.

Our hopes of a "Cinderella Story" basketball team were all but crippled with losses in 5 of the last seven games. Their opening streak and painful decline reminded many of us of the football season from which we had just recovered. The time clock debacle at Cameron Indoor and the collapse of a sound beating versus Virginia made many fans sick to their stomachs. Fortunately, the Tigers have shown resilience and trounced FSU over the weekend. They'll be taking on the Deacs in Winston-Salem tonight in a Valentine's Day showdown.

Now on to the good stuff.

Clemson is ranked #1 in polls according to Baseball America and Collegiate Baseball after Rice went 1-3 in their series over the weekend. I love the fact that for the second year in a row we haven't played a game and we got moved to the top spot! I hope that this trend of starting strong and not finishing is something that Jack and the sons of Kingsmore can turn around. The Tigers open their season this weekend against George Mason in a 3 game series starting Friday.

Go Tigers!!

Valentine's Eve

2007-02-13T13:14:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.

Inspired by the notion that Valentine's Day is a "Hallmark Holiday" I went digging for the origin of St. Valentine and how this occasion has reached such a fantastic commercial altitude. I will not bore you with history, you are welcome to wiki it for yourself. This holiday has become so prominent that anti-Valentine's day parties have sprung up across the country, celebrating "Single Awareness Day."

At one time in my life I would have been a part of such categorization, but I never realized that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be about love between a couple. It can include familial love and friendly love as well.

Another response to the coming of this holiday is that love shouldn't be made known on one day out of 365. While I agree with this statement, I still think it is a good event for couples to maybe take time to show how much they love each other. Roses (or flowers in general), chocolates, romantic dinners and, recently, jewelery have become the normal present for this holiday. And typically the woman is on the receiving end of said gifts.

Commercial advertisements range from Doris Diamonds to Trojan Condoms.

I would like to send best wishes out to those guys scrambling to find the box of chocolates, a card, and flowers from Food Lion at 10 o'clock tonight. Good luck and may your significant other have mercy on your soul.

L'esprit d'escalier defeated

2007-02-08T23:47:00.000-05:00

The spirit of the staircase is something that everyone knows about, but can't define. It is a phrase that describes the moment after something happens when you come up with the best response that would have been perfect for that situation. Only, the moment has passed and you'll never get it back again. I have felt this many times, but after tonight I can finally say the spirit of the staircase did not get the best of me.

Let me set the scene:

Interior: Generic Coliseum/Arena/Civic Center/Square Garden...

The opening band has finished their set for the headliner, the house lights are on and people are shuffling to go to the bathroom, talk to friends, or go get that last beer before the show starts.

In the row behind my wife and me, less than three feet away, sit a group of young girls gossiping about people they know and using expletives in the conversation that aren't necessary. One girl in particular was terribly loud. Given the fact that she was so very close, this girl's outbursts and exclamations were aversive and painful.

Random Fat Obnoxious Loud Girl (that has had 2 Tropical Breezes by Bartels and James): Oh my god! I totally know that he's going to play [insert random John Mayer song]!!! Is that Ronnie!!??!
I can't believe he's here!!! That's f'n crazy!!!!

This continues on and on for 20 minutes until RFOLG's friend said to her:

RFOLG's friend: You are being really loud.

I felt the moment for a nanosecond and I turned around and it came out...

Me (who has had a six pack in the last 2 hours) : She's right, you are loud, you are very loud.

RFOLG: Wha? I'm...Are you talking shit?

Me: No, I am just confirming what your friend told you.

As a pacifist and with an aversion to confrontation, the previous scene doesn't seem to fit with my personality. An overwhelming feeling of confidence came over me after that moment. My wife slammed home the point that we were not to be messed with as she turned completely around after she heard a comment about a fight from the group that was directed at us. She poignantly asked:

My wife: Are you saying that to us??

The girls stuttered and explained away the comment and weren't heard from the rest of the evening.

It was a great night to say the least...

SET LIST

Belief
Good Love is On the Way
Why Georgia
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
Clarity
Vultures
Bigger Than My Body
I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You)
No Such Thing
Waiting on the World to Change
Gravity

-- encore --
Who Did You Think I Was
Your Body is a Wonderland
Covered in Rain
Neon

The Birthday Post

2007-02-03T16:13:00.000-05:00

And another year has passed...traditional birthday idiosyncrasies ensued.

Gathering of friends and family....[check]
Large group of people eating at moderately priced restaurant....[check]
Pissed off waitress dealing with yet another 12 top....[check]
Alcohol, including, but not limited to, 32 oz. dos equis, Daiquiris, and a fishbowl margarita big enough to bathe a small baby....[check]
Additional stress on aforementioned waitress from half sober "gringos"....[check]
Cake adorned with trick candles....[check]
Oversized sombrero....[check]
Pointy party hats displaying SpongeBob SquarePants indicating the birthday boy's foolish wish to stay forever young....[check]

What can I say about my birthday celebration that isn't said in the previous list? I had a blast and I am very grateful to all who attended. I am also grateful to those that wished me a happy birthday on Facebook (although heaven knows half of you wouldn't have known it was my birthday if it weren't for the helpful reminder provided by FB, but don't feel bad, I am thankful for that reminder as well;)). Here are just a few of the pictures...

1st rule of fight club...

2007-01-31T21:19:00.000-05:00

This post is influenced by the most recent controversy to take place in Clemson, SC. I have no interest in getting into a racial debate over whether this party was racist or not, my intention is to give commentary on the progression of the collegiate party experience, more specifically, the

I am thrown back in time about 4 or 5 years during my time at Clemson as a member of the undergraduate student body. While nothing as "controversial" as the MLK party ever became a national news headline, themed parties have been a constant in Clemson, nay, any university across the country. I personally helped organize a "Frat Party" where participants arrived to the festivities draped in khakis and white long-sleeve dress shirts. Accessories included Ray Bans, Rainbow Sandals, bow ties, and trust funds. To date, there have been no protests, no lawsuits, no demonstrations against our party. We did take pictures at the party, but digital media had not yet reached its zenith. Digital photos were sent via email as attachments, but they weren't posted at a universal site for all to see.

The age of communication and globalization that we exist in doesn't allow for discretion of events that were once left to the haziness of a broken, inebriated, sudo-reality which often begged the question, "Did that really happen?" Throwing up off of the balcony of your friend's apartment after a night of Jello shots, Jager Bombs, and Taco Bell has now become the next hot item on YouTube. Video phones and megapixels are now commonplace. We record everything: tv shows, parties, births, weddings, bat-mitzvahs...today, instead of people saying, "You remember that time we got so hammered we molested that concrete pig?" we say, "Look at these pictures and this HD video of us molesting that concrete pig after the night we got hammered!" Memory is no longer an issue. The great thing about photos, not digital pictures, was that they sparked the memory. The recollection of an event can be so much more powerful than the re experience of it.

The moral of the story is: Sometimes its better to just remember rather than watch unedited footage of stupid shit you have done. I guarantee you it will come back to bite you in the ass.

Sunday School

2007-01-29T10:23:00.000-05:00

For those of you that don't know and could probably care less, I grew up in the Catholic faith which included attending private, Catholic schools with names like St. Augustine, St. Thomas Moore, Our Lady of Peace, and Aquinas High School, respective of chronological order in which I attended. Throughout my time at these schools I was forced required to wear either a uniform or adhere to a dress code which outlawed jeans and t-shirts, girls could wear skirts, pants, and shorts (no denim) and the rule of thumb was that the skirts and shorts must not be higher than an inch above the knee. The principal kept a ruler in his office to record such an offense. The boys were asked to wear collared polo shirts and pants or shorts which typically fell into one of two categories: dress or khaki. Needless to say, when I went to a public college I became a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy. I rarely wore anything khaki or collared.

Pardon me, I am getting away from my point...

With my abandonment of the dress code along came my abandonment of my faith. As a Cafeteria Catholic I still attended the big Three: Christmas, Good Friday, and Easter. Of course there were many more holy days of obligation, but those didn't promise the coming of gifts or chocolate. I have recently had religious renaissance, a rebirth of faith. I am far from a bible thumper or an evangelist, but I have found a renewed interest in my personal faith. College distanced me from my faith due to having it force fed to me for 18 years. I have come to embrace my faith on my own terms, with my own interests, my own values. I pray.

I used to think that prayer, faith, and religion were tools of the uninformed. They were things that people who were unable to help themselves used as a means to make themselves feel better. I felt that faith was a sign of weakness. I am an analytical thinker. I want to know the facts. I want hard evidence and empirical data. In this respect I have approached my new faith. I don't outright accept anything that is told me, but I don't outright deny it either. I use my thoughts to determine how my faith fits with myself. I accept Jesus Christ into my heart and I accept him as my Savior. Am I having my cake and eating it too? Can the skeptic and the faithful exist in one place at the same time? Is there a happy medium? Would God hold me in high esteem for not just following everything I was told and asking for explanation? Would God be pleased with the life I have lived?

Pointless Anger

2007-01-26T20:22:00.000-05:00

I am writing this post, not in response to any biased report of the Clemson/Duke contest last night, but...yeah I am pissed about the whole thing. In front of nearly 10,000 screaming and, more importantly, organized Duke fans with painted faces and crudely hung stuffed tigers (which looked more like mocked LSU mascot replicas) Clemson stuck with the 10th ranked Devils to bring the game down to the wire. Clemson came back from 9 and 11 point deficits during the game and capitalized on Duke mistakes to force the Blue Devils into a buzzer-beater situation. I will not comment on the chronological malfunction other than to state as such, but I will say that Clemson showed a lot of sack by making Duke think twice about looking past the Tigers this season. In a game where Duke out-rebounded Clemson by a ridiculous margin (anyone that watched the game was assaulted by the commentators giving these stats) the Tigers showed athleticism and sheer sticktuitiveness by forcing Duke to the final seconds. Granted, Clemson didn't defend well on the last play of the game, but...okay I can't stay away...there's no way a three-pointer takes only three blinks of the eye to travel from his hands to the basket.

Was the clock keeping incorrect during the final moments of the game? Sure. Would the Blue Devils have made the winning shot assuming the same play and less time? Not a chance. Could Clemson have triumphed in Durham given an overtime opportunity? I would like to think so.

Come February 22nd, I think we will see a vengeful squad looking for retribution after this stinging loss. That combined with a bitter fan base will make for an interesting game.

Go Tigers!

ps Timing Error...I feel justified

What is it like to be a teen?

2007-01-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

It was a short 7 years ago when I could still call myself a teenager and even then I hated the word. I was 19 and to be associated with the moniker of "teen" or "teenager" was insulting. It was a term that assumed immaturity, inexperience, and stupidity. There was, and still remains, a stigma that clings to the teenage years that allows for mistakes and smoothing of the rough edges. It is a learning stage.

When I was 19 I was in college and trying to live on my own. After the brilliant sparkle of my eighteenth birthday wore into a dull and meaningless event (other than being able to 'legally' buy cigarettes-even though I didn't smoke; and the government could send me to fight and die for my country, yet I couldn't drink alcohol) I wanted to be in my twenties. I could feel that magical 21st birthday on the horizon even though I had to dredge through 20 to get there.

I have no idea what it is like to be a teen in modern times. I read news stories about facebook, myspace, staged and videotaped school fights between girls arriving on YouTube, text messaging during class, cyber bullying, and the list goes on...I feel so distanced from today's adolescents and I am beginning to understand how parents have trouble connecting with their kids. If there was anyone that could create a bond with a teenager you would imagine that someone in their mid twenties would be a perfect candidate. On the contrary, I can see that being a very difficult task. Role models for our teenage generation are only those they see in the media: young adult actors and actresses that have no moral compass, popular internet videos, magazine covers, and the like. When I think about being put in the shoes of a teenager today I am scared to death. School shootings, sexual predators, terrorism, war, not to mention all of the other idiosyncratic teenage drama: puberty, sexual maturation, the desire for independence, scholarship, peer pressure, abstinence versus promiscuity, popularity...you get the point.

Our adolescents need strong, stable role models in their lives. They need consequences, boundaries, humility, and purpose. So many parents have no relationship with their children so the kids seek guidance from tv, radio, cd's, the internet, magazines, and movies. Wouldn't it be great if our kids were posed the question, "Who do you want to be when you grow up?" their answer was "my Mom" or "my Dad" instead of Lindsay Lohan, Kobe Bryant, Britney Spears, or Paris Hilton.

Heroic Songs

2007-01-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

This post has been a long time coming, and I apologize for the time off...without further introduction and without any ado...here is a post that is about "Hero Songs"

We Don't Need Another Hero - Tina Turner

Pros- Anthem for Mad Max-Beyond Thunderdome
"Two men enter. One man leaves."

Cons- Huge shoulder pads, Tina Turner doing her best DOG: The Bounty Hunter impression (or wait, is Duane "The Dog" Chapman doing his best Aunty Entity-decide for yourself)

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

Pros- Enrique is the son of famed singer, Julio Iglesias; two words: Anna. Kournikova.

Cons- Enrique is the son of famed singer, Julio Iglesias; What's with that thing on his face?

"Moley, moley, moley...I want some guacaMOLE."

I Need a Hero- Bonnie Tyler

Pros- Kick Ass 80's movie montage song, specifically in Short Circuit 2

Cons- Just look at the video for the song, speaks for itself

My Hero-Foo Fighters

Pros-Dave Grohl is a badass and the Foo Fighters are a seriously underrated band

Cons-The song has ties to one of the cheesiest guilty pleasures of mine...Varsity Blues ("I don't want your life" most awful line in a movie. ever. But, the whipped cream bikini was rockin')

Hero-Mariah Carey

Pros-Pre-Mimi Mariah Carey was a talented singer and quite sexy

Cons-Post-Mimi Mariah is a Playboy shoot waiting on just the right bombed album release (maybe that should be a pro...)

Zoe Watch Numero 2

2007-01-12T16:10:00.000-05:00

Vet Visits:
After her first visit to Charlie Timmerman, DVM, it was discovered that our Zoe has a parasite that is causing her to have frequent and runny bowels. Puppy meds and loving patience from her parents should do the trick (mostly the meds, cause damn her s--- stinks).

Unruly Behavior:
Zoe has currently been nicknamed "the evil one" by her mother after Polly got a full day of being a stay-at-home-mom. Chewing furniture, chewing rugs, growling, short naps, and overall anarchy ensued yesterday when Polly stayed home to nurse her own upset stomach back to health. By the end of the day Polly was ready to give me full custody of Zoe and began to question if we should ever have children.

Sleeping Habits:
Zoe is still sleeping through the night except for the aforementioned excessive bowel activity. I was beginning to think that she was mainlining Olestra (check the side effects to understand the joke). Intestinal over-activity aside, she is doing well about going back to sleep after dropping deuce.

Considering that we have only had Zoe for one-week and that she will only be 7-weeks old tomorrow, I think things are going quite well. If current trends are any indication of what is to come, I like how she's gonna turn out.

Random Observation #5639

2007-01-12T14:09:00.000-05:00

Here's something to think about:
Is there a can of food, be it soup, vegetable, or processed meat product that you have had for months, nay, years that is still taking up room in your pantry?

Remember? You bought it for that casserole that only took 2 cans of mushroom soup, not 3. You thought it only took two, but you didn't want to have to come back to the grocery store, so you figured, "What's one more can on mushroom soup?" Why were you making a casserole anyways?

It's been in your cupboard so long that it has progressively made its way to the back of the shelf after many trips to the grocery store have rendered it forgotten. There it stays until you have to move to a new residence or contribute to a canned good drive. You pack it up with the rest of the can goods and you lament the fact that you have to pack it up with the rest of your crap, but hey, what's one more can when you have all this other stuff to move?

You unpack at your new house or apartment and you actually set this food item near the front of the cupboard. As a matter of fact, it's one of the few items that are in your cabinet at this time since you tried to stop buying food when you knew you were going to move because you didn't want to have more than you really needed. But again, once you have settled in and begin to make necessary trips to the market, you push the mushroom soup to the back of the shelf where it will remain. What is even worse is that you will make a casserole in the future that requires a can of mushroom soup and sure enough, you'll go to the supermarket and buy the necessary items for said casserole, Not -1 mushroom soup like you should.

Zoe Watch

2007-01-10T20:38:00.000-05:00

Zoe Watch: 2007

This is (hopefully) the first of several posts chronicling the development and growth of the newest Riede...

Week 7

Sleeping Habits: Waking up several times at night to go "potty" and waking up very early when its not time to play

"Accidents": Have become more frequent with increased freedom from mom and dad.

Eating Schedule: 3 small meals a day, Zoe is finally eating once Polly had the Aha! moment that we should crush her puppy food to be small enough for Zoe to chew.

Interaction with Lily: Still very playful with each other, Zoe rarely backs down from a romp with her favorite big sister. Lily has to be reminded that Zoe is much smaller than she is. At times Zoe annoys Lily to the point of aggravation which can result in some rough play.

Zoe being submissve and Lily showing her who's the boss.

Cutest. Dog. Ever.

Slapshot

2007-01-08T15:54:00.000-05:00

We supply everything but guts.

Last night I was in a state of internal conflict during the BCS game between Florida and Ohio St. My first emotion dealt with my constant need to root for the underdog. My second emotion was centered on the fact that if Florida won, Carolina fans would not stop talking about how they almost beat the National Champions. Pride aside (Carolina soundly beat Clemson this year, we're never in denial of the performance of our team) with that line of thinking, then what about Boise St. being undefeated, or Auburn who actually did defeat the Gators??

Continuing along those lines of thought, Clemson should be the ACC Champions since they defeated both teams that played for that title...wait, after how they played at the end of the season, they don't deserve that.

Anyway, the drubbing that Florida gave Ohio St. last night will make people rethink alot of aspects about the BCS and hopefully pave the way for a tournament format in the future.

Zoe

2007-01-06T19:41:00.000-05:00

Around the Riede house there is a pitter-patter of little feet...from a four-legged sweetheart with beady, black eyes, stinky breath, and a bladder control problem. We picked up Zoe, our second Westie, Friday night around 5:30 and fell in love from the moment she started whining in her crate in the backseat of our car.

Our first concern was jealousy from our first-born, Lily. Our fears ebbed when we found the two tussling, Lily a little rough at times, but all in good bonding.

The first 24 hours have been educational. If we were to transfer our parenting tactics from canine to mammal, I think we would end up raising a decent child. Spoiled, but decent. Needless to say, we didn't have our best night of sleep last night, but we were prepared for that when we made the decision to be a family of four.

I can't begin to describe the cuteness, the innocence, the playfulness that comes from a puppy. Even ugly puppies are cute. She's also at a stage where she hops forward very quickly instead of actually running. And her equilibrium is something that is awaiting further development. She is having a hard time walking in a straight line. God forbid she be submitted to a field sobriety test. When she does sleep, she sleeps solid. No trying to get in the right position or get comfortable. The way she passes out in any possible place, position, or time is downright narcoleptic. However, her sleeping habits can only be rivaled by her rebounding energy. She's tenacious and submissive yet rowdy and fearless. She's curious and scared. She takes a running start at a dog that weighs at least eight times as much as she. Her mother and father rejoice at every bowel movement and urination that lands on the training pad.

I must get to bed now, for I probably won't get much sleep tonight either. Wish us luck and welcome Zoe to the Riede family.

(Pictures will follow)

Irony

2007-01-06T14:37:00.000-05:00

The definition of irony:

iTunes on shuffle

Putting away our pre-lit Christmas tree purchased at Wal Mart

Radiohead "Fake Plastic Trees" starts to play

I literally started looking around my house to see if someone was playing a trick on me.

Melted Wrapper Cheese

2007-01-01T21:22:00.000-05:00

As one of the millions of Americans that is lactose intolerant (albeit mild in my own personal case) I am drawn by the famous saying, "You always want what you can't have." I love cheese. American, Gouda, Swiss, Feta, Brie, Havarti...Sliced, Cubed, Shredded, Melted, Powdered...on burgers, sandwiches, salads, straight out of the bag, on nachos, in my Kraft dinner...I LOVE CHEESE. However, I think my favorite cheese is American melted wrapper cheese. Wrapper cheese?...what in the world is that?

I thought you might ask that, and my answer is best described by 3 culinary masterpieces produced by 3 of the finest restaurants in the USA. The Extralong Chili-Cheese Coney from Sonic, The Double Cheese Krystal from Krystal's, and the Double Cheese Burger from Mickey D's. Granted, the nutritional value of these fast food menu items is questionable at best, they also have something else in common. Cheese that melts away from the burger or hot dog may end up on the wrapper or the cardboard container and can be consumed and it is so damn yummy. The food preservatives in this cheese product gives the melted cheese neither solid nor liquid form. Typical consumption of wrapper cheese can either be done with the finger, reapplied to the original item by sopping, or directly to the mouth from the wrapper or cardboard.

Please be careful when consuming wrapper cheese as there is an inherent risk of eating wax covered paper and cardboard. Proceed with caution.

So Long, Farewell

2006-12-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

And 2006 comes to a close...this has been a year of firsts:

First (and only) marriage
First time buying a home
First time being a godparent
First time going on a Cruise (which included first time going to Belize and the Bahamas)
First gastric doctor visit (more to come, I am sure)
First time buying a car (this was late 2005 and it went with the theme of the post)

This year has been the happiest, craziest, busiest, fullest, and a whole lot of other adjectives that don't exist in my vocabulary.

For the second year in a row, Polly and I will be in Atlanta for the Downtown Countdown. Crazy pictures are sure to follow.

Goodbye 2006.

Here's to 2007, may it hold surprises and gifts for all of us. Hopefully a better football season for the Clemson Tigers.

Atlanta here we come!!!!

Post Holiday Post

2006-12-26T14:04:00.000-05:00

Forgive my palindromic title, but I couldn't resist.

With much on my mind, let's skip the niceities and get right to it...

Christmas was great! Among some of the more memorable presents for myself were: Cranium Pop 5, Scrubs Seasons 4 and 5, and tickets to see John Mayer February 8th in Columbia with Polly!!! Another gift that Polly and I will be getting soon is our newest member of the family, Zoe Riede. We will be picking her up from Camden on January 12th, and we are very excited to welcome her to our home. We would like to thank those that made it possible- you know who you are even though you don't read my blog.

We had a wonderful time with our families this Christmas. We started by hosting a "linner" or "dunch" (probably easier to just call it supper) for my sister, brother-in-law, niece, and my dad. We had a honeybaked ham, mashed potatoes, broccoli casserole and rolls. For dessert, my sister honored us with her famous pumpkin roll which we really enjoyed. That night was spent awkwardly introducing ourselves to strangers and putting in face time with Matt Steele at his parents home for their catered Christmas party. An early night prepared us for Christmas Eve. As good Methodists, we got dressed up and made the early service on Sunday Morning. Next came the road trip, stopped in Columbia, became fugitives from the law after failing to pay a 50 cent toll getting off the Southern Connector near Greenville, SC, introduced our dog to 8 to 11 other dogs over the course of the entire trip, and settled on Pelham Road.

After opening gifts Sunday night, we woke at 5:30am Christmas Day to travel back to Columbia for more family time. After brunch and gifts Polly and I finally came to our final resting place around 4pm yesterday and we slept...hard.

Numbers of the Trip
3 : the number of times Lily crapped in/on a family members' backyard/carpet;
2 : the number of times I found it and flushed it before that family member could find out.

1 : number of single Christmas Tree Cakes Consumed

2 : number of questionably racist gifts received

3 : number of people piled on top of Joey after making the mistake of laying on the floor

590: the number of pounds combined, crushing Joey on the floor

5 : the number of months it took to get our "professionally" produced wedding video - I've seen steadier panning shots in the Blair Witch Project

3 : the number of times I called Lee, Jim or Jim, Lee
1 : the number of time their mom made the same mistake

2: the number of baking mix gifts received this year (monkey bread and beer bread)

5 : the number of days left in the year- Here we come HOTlanta

(pictures for this post will follow)

merry xmas and happy new year to all

God Rest ye Merry Gentleman

2006-12-14T09:30:00.001-05:00

Although I wasn't a part of the right generation to know how talented Peter Boyle was and I only really "liked" Raymond, I was sad to hear about him passing away yesterday. Of the few episodes of Raymond that I have seen, Frank Barrone was an honest, brutal, and unforgiving character that Peter Boyle made Everyone love. Frank Barrone was a listener and when he spoke, it was something that defined who he was. Pardon the play on words, but his frankness was a representation of his generational upbringing. He was a part of a group of men that went to work while the mother stayed home and took care of the children. He probably worked for the same company for most of his life and got a gold watch and a party when he retired. Frank went to school with kids named Lawrence, Henry, and Jonathan who were called Larry, Hank, and John. He fought for his country and his wife worked while he was overseas. He went to drive-in theaters and asked his girlfriend's father for a marriage blessing. He listened to radio, walked to school, and spanked his children when they needed it.

A moment of silence for Frank, the signaling of an age that has come and gone and will be remembered as simpler and better times.

Christmas Tree Cake: 7 boxes consumed

Times watched A Christmas Story: 2

Christmas Tree Cakes by Little Debbie

2006-12-04T19:19:00.000-05:00

During this month of December, I will be ending all of my posts with a current count of Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes that I have eaten. If you are not familiar with these individually wrapped confections from the heavens I would recommend picking up a couple of boxes. Each holiday decorated carton holds five individually wrapped tree-shaped cakes covered in frosting and sprinkles. Don't be fooled by the chocolate version of this treat, the vanilla is the real deal.

Christmas Tree Cake boxes consumed: 6 (and counting)

P.S. This is my number one reason that I love the holiday season...CTCs are obviously seasonal and once January comes, I must wait the long 11 months til Little Debbie starts selling them again.

Holiday Pet Peeves

2006-12-01T09:01:00.000-05:00

Although this is truly "the most wonderful time of the year" there are some aspects of the holiday season that I could do without. Here is a short list of things that are pet peeves of mine that seem to resonate each year during this time. The list is in no particular order and no animals were hurt in the making of this list.

1. The "All Holiday" radio station that starts it's "Santacast" the day after Halloween.
Personally, I refuse to listen to it until the day after Thanksgiving. I won't even let my radio dial approach the station without plugging my ears with both fingers and
singing "Mary had a little lamb" to myself until I am certain I won't hear even a single note of "O Holy Night." This may seem extreme, but its much worse when you realize that I am probably driving at the time and I can't plug both of my ears with just one hand. Before I am accused of humbuggery, I would have you know that I am a Christmas enthusiast. I enjoy decorating and gifts as much as the next guy. However, as in all things I think there must be moderation.

2. Holiday Horror Movies - Horror classics like "Black Christmas" released December 20, 1974 and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" in 1984 are movies that have paved the way for the release of current horror movies such as "Wolf Creek" last year, Darkness (I haven't heard of it either) in 2004, "Scream 2" and the remake of "An American Werewolf in Paris" in 1998, "Turistas" coming soon to a theater near you, as well as others I didn't care to research (thanks joblo.com and imdb.com). I guess not all holidays can be merry and bright, but as opposed to the first two movies I mentioned, the other horror films have nothing to do with Christmas in the first place. At least with Black Christmas and SNDN the premise was centered around the holidays even though violence and terror was to follow.

3. Traveling - Let me make the distinction between travel and visiting. I love visiting my family, my in-laws, my friends, and I wish we could all meet at one location and celebrate. I hate traveling during the holidays, the traffic, the delays, the rushing, the waiting...car trouble, airline strikes, transit strikes, leg cramps and pit stops, slow drivers and speed traps, high gas prices and heavy jet lag...sometimes you have to wonder - Is it really worth it?? Then there are the deeper issues of who to visit when and for how long...guilt inevitably ensues and can ruin the spirit of Christmas altogether.

This rounds out my top three, but to be honest, the holiday horror movies aren't that much of a problem for me, I just couldn't think of anything else to throw in there. I am sure there are more things that get on my nerves that are associated with the holidays, but feel free to tell me some of your own. And to be fair, I will follow this post with some of my favorite things about Christmas and Holidays.

Only in South Carolina

2006-11-27T13:52:00.000-05:00

I just had to comment on this story since I am a part of this in-state football rivaly:

Take a moment to read this idiocy and remind yourself why you are either:
a. Glad you don't call SC home
or
b. Embarrassed to call yourself a fan of either of these teams

Man shoots, kills friend over 20$ bet over Clemson-Carolina football game

First of all...TWENTY F%$&#N BUCKS!!!!!!!11

This is a two parter:

The Clemson fan should have paid up (God rest his soul).
The Carolina fan took another man's life for 3 suitcases of Natty Light and some change.

Second of all...this rivalry has reached terrible depths and some people need something else to focus their lives on other than football scores and homicide. I have started a facebook group to facilitate discussion and dialogue so healing can commence. Think of it as group therapy;)
Join here

News Bits and Tids

2006-11-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

As a follow up to my most recent post, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I hope you spent it with the ones that you care about and you made an effort to let those you care about know how much they mean to you.

Now, on to my few moments of self-indulgent, self-important rambling...

1. Although Clemson lost to Carolina over the weekend, it was wonderful to cheer them on surrounded by friends and family. It was great to see Robb and Libby, Robin and Jason, Joey and Leslie, John and Lauren, Brad, Josh, Mel, Tara, and the rest of the Clemson faithful. Many pitchers, pool games, and wings were had and I wouldn't trade it for anything...even a win.

2. Holidays are much more enjoyable if not spent trying to please everyone. Enjoying being with the people that you are with and make sure you let those you can't be with know that you are sorry and will try to see them soon. Marriage makes for interesting holiday scheduling and any conscientious human being wishes geography were not an issue when visiting family. However, the dispersion of our family is often farther than we can reach. A guilt-laden conscience is common; I should see this person, how upset will they be if I don't spend time with them over the holidays? In a perfect world, everyone could transport to one location, eat at one huge table, eat and not do any dishes. As we all know it is NOT a perfect world. There are burnt rolls and wacky relatives, great distances and limited incomes, babies and car trouble. In the perfect world, our favorite team would always win because we would all root for the same team. We do what we can with who we love and that doesn't mean that we don't care about the ones we can't see. The important thing is to be mindful of the relatives and friends that we will miss.

3. Family additions seem to be a running theme this holiday season: My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are expecting, my friends Tim and Lauren are having twins, John and Libby just adopted a greyhound named Whinnie, and last but not least, Polly and I are going to have a new puppy after the new year. We have yet to formally name her, but we are partial to Zoe.

4. DVR = Happiness

Scrubs...finally

2006-11-23T21:09:00.000-05:00

I can't possibly elucidate how excited I am about "Scrubs" coming back before the originally scheduled, mid season date of January. This was how the show came back last season, airing 2 episodes a week (a welcome surprise at first, but in retrospect I missed the wait, the one weekly episode) but I am quite happy that this show is returning earlier than expected.

I can't wax intellectual about cinematography or directorial technique but what I can tell you is that this show is always funny and enjoyable. The characters are likable and quirky. The show has stuck to its guns by having JD continue his daydreaming (and often ridiculing it) and Dr. Cox holding onto his ego and longwinded criticisms (without hesitation I can say that John McGinley owns that character).

Last season ended with 3 pregnancies. Will JD marry the hot, freaky chick from "40 year old virgin", will Turk and Carla be good parents, how will Dr. Cox and Jordan deal with baby number 2? who's gonna die this season? and what about the rumored musical episode? Hopefully, the Scrubs fan base will grow, giving fans more to tune in for Thursday nights on NBC.

Tryptophaniphobia

2006-11-23T09:45:00.000-05:00

Tryptophaniphobia : (noun) Psychological disorder that induces lethargy and moderate narcolepsy upon proximity to heavy quantities of freshly prepared fowl, particularly turkey. This disorder is seasonal and is often related to lots of television viewing, more specifically of floating balloons and football in Detroit. This disorder typically lasts for no more than 24 hours and can be replaced by shopping addiction soon thereafter if not careful. For reference see : PPA (Pumpkin Pie Anonymous)

I would like to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving. Consume many pounds of turkey or whatever it is you traditionally eat. Most importantly, be thankful for the people that you are with, the people you can't be with, and anyone you wish you could be with.

Thanks to Pepcid AC, the official sponsor of Logical Psycho during this Holiday Season.

Office supplies, beer, and Britney Spears

2006-11-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

Have you ever realized that when you bend a paperclip from it's original shape, mostly to eject a tempermental CD drive, you can never get it exactly back the way it was before? I mean, you might as well throw it away at that point...I don't need an office supply product that can't do it's job.

Yuengling is a domestic beer, to charge $17.99 for a 12-pack of bottles is laughable and insulting...I guess that's to be expected from the BiLo in Clearwater, SC. I guarantee you that they saw the name of the beer, couldn't pronounce it, and figured it was an import. As a matter of fact (class, take out your pencils and notebooks), it is brewed in Pottsville, PA and it is also America's Oldest Brewery, beginning in 1829 with the Eagle Brewery opened by David G. Yuengling. In 1831 a fire completely destroyed that plant and a new brewery was built where it is still a part of the current brewery.
History lesson aside, the biggest draw of this beer is it's great taste along with being easy on the wallet, not to mention it's ability to rhyme with ding-a-ling (so funny when you're drunk).

I'm torn on the Britney/K-Fed divorce settlement. Part of me wants K-Fed to get squat, drown in debt (even though he'll reportedly get at least 10 mil, but that won't last) and have an extremely embarassing E! True Hollywood Story that ends with male prostitution to pay for his heroin habit. The other part of me wants him to get a huge settlement so that Britney learns her lesson and never marries a white-trash, no-talent, coattail-riding loser ever again. Kudos to Brits for dropping the D-Bomb via text message...how high tech and detached is she??!?

Family Fun Night

2006-11-12T20:47:00.000-05:00

Family Fun Night

Just some pictures from our family fun night...we played Cranium which, after settling on the rules, is a riot to play..

As promised...

2006-11-01T15:09:00.000-05:00

Halloween 2006

Things that I learned this year during Halloween:

Dogs like pumpkin innards and seeds (basically anything that falls on the floor).
Martini glasses are not ideal beverage holders for people that aren't sober.
My wife is one hot lesbian.
Candy should be bought in moderation if you don't know your neighborhood history of trick-or-treating.
I can buy a bale of hay for less than 5 dollars.
I will throw a bale of hay away sometime soon.
Dog costumes have become more elaborate and equally more expensive.
Spirit gum is a term make-up artists use for krazy glue, not a chewy confection for ghosts.
Spirit gum hurts when removed from the skin, take my advice...rip it off quick like a band-aid.
Dressing up for any occasion is fun, especially if there is alcohol involved.

Top Five Things to do on a Cold, Rainy Day

2006-10-27T14:00:00.000-04:00

Sleep in/Stay home from work
This is a given...there are fewer things sweeter or more comforting than staying in bed when you would normally be getting up and about. Rain levels the playing field (most people want to stay home on a rainy day) and gives a convenient excuse to remain in a cocoon of blankets or in the arms of a loved one. This often goes hand in hand with actually seeing a new episode of The Price is Right rather than catching reruns on the Game Show Network. If you actually get out of bed, your natural progression will lead you to the couch where you will probably watch more television and the choices typically consist of old episodes of Golden Girls, Wings, or Designing Women.

Rent/Go see a movie
Another favorite, this can be a great event...especially if combined with smuggling your favorite alcoholic beverage along with you. Tip to the guys: ask your girlfriend/fiancee/wife to bring along her "big" purse. It's important to be discrete in your consumption. Get caught and you'll probably get kicked out or possibly arrested. Done right, your drink might just help you forget about the a-hole talking on his cell 2 rows in front of you and the chatty high school twits in the row behind you. Please remember to drink and watch responsibly.

Sit by a fireplace
Cold weather is one thing, but cold and wet weather is another beast altogether. During these chilly events, whether you go ice skating, shopping, snorkeling, few sensations offer us more satisfaction than warming frosty hands and pink noses by the fireplace. Typically, the level of discomfort is proportionate to proximity to the fireplace. Gradually, we move back and away as we singe body hair. A great thing about fireplaces, or more specifically, fires, is that marshmallows and s'more's soon follow. YUM!

Eat a hot bowl of soup
Living in the South, I don't think most people appreciate a tasty bowl of soup. Creamy or brothy, vegetables and meat, clams, crab, and corn, soup is the ingredient to warm up your insides while the fire is comforting your outsides. The first spoonful of soup, delicately cooled by breaths that don't spill the soup from the spoon, slides down your throat, and can be felt all the way to your tummy.

Party with friends
There's always an excuse to drink with friends. Cold and wet gives you two excuses. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Be careful wherever you may roam and may your costumes be funny and original.

Coming up next week: Pictures from the Halloween Party and other seasonal posts such as favorite scary movies, great costumes, and gags to pull on unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.

Poppin' my Ebay cherry!!!

2006-10-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that I am selling a fantastic Clemson bottle opener that plays the Tiger Rag when a bottle is opened on Ebay...the winner also gets free tickets to the Clemson Carolina game this coming November!!!

Let your friends know!!!

Bid here!

10/30 Just an update: The tickets went for nearly 400$
Thanks to the lucky Clemson student that outbid everyone else!!!

An Ode

2006-10-17T15:50:00.000-04:00

Random Shout Out:

I would like to send a special message to the computerized credit system at Target, which 6 years ago allowed me to purchase my first item on credit. After 2 years of trying to pay off a bill of no more than 400$ I finally made my last payment and the XBOX was mine!!! With 24 months of financing and several late fees to boot, I had probably paid double what the XBOX was worth. You can imagine that I was surprised to find recently that my credit was actually in good standing. Since that time I have been able to purchase many things on credit and it all started with irresponsibility and credit mismanagement. How's that for luck?? Either the credit bureaus are really stupid, or they are incredibly smart. Probably the latter.

It seems impossible to avoid buying any major purchase without credit, unless you are filthy, stinking, rich. How many people do you know that don't finance their car or house?? I guess what I want to say is thanks to the person or computer program that allowed me the opportunity to have things without paying for them up front, and to slowly take more and more money from me in interest. Kudos to you...

Where in the world is Robb Calhoun??

2006-10-16T19:05:00.000-04:00

Missing: Robert Calhoun
Last Seen:

REWARD:
Any persons having information regarding the whereabouts of this missing blogger can contact me immediately to discuss your reward. It will most likely be in the form of advice or compliments.

Robert was last seen commentating on the integration of African-American culture into the ordinarily Eurocentric Wall Street Journal. His sharp social commentary and obssession with ol' Milty Friedman leads many to believe that he may have been given a pair of cement shoes from someone close to the President. Some theorize that his last blog was a shocking and revealing expose on his years of being a congressional page for Mark Foley.

James Yeh has been cleared of all suspicion due to the fact that Robb was trying to help crank up his Google rankings in his last post.

The blogging community, or a small fraction of us at least, would like the return of IHNJ to come quickly. Personally, I am sick of seeing the same story about Roca wear in the WSJ. I get it, it's a white paper reporting on black culture...how taboo!!

Thank you for your time.

The truth is...Robb's lappy is broked and he can't currently update...I'll try to keep you up to date on his estimated return date...(I am trying to see how many times I can say date in one post)...date.

Date Night

2006-10-13T16:05:00.000-04:00

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life it can be quite easy to forget how things were like before you were married. More specifically, in the beginning of a relationship, time spent with each other is accounted by "dates." As a matter of fact, women typically use a number of dates as a measuring device of when it is acceptable to sleep with a guy. Eventually though, you lose count. Once this happens, you begin to keep track of a relationship based on weeks, months, and eventually, years. I have lived with my wife for over a year now and sometimes I forget what it felt like to come to her house, pick her up, take her out, pay for dinner and a movie, and try to get some at the end of the night...so tonight, I am not going to take her out, but we are going to have a date night. Some leftovers and a couple of bottles of cheap white wine followed by cuddling on the couch while we watch Friends on DVD til we pass out.

I can truly say that I don't miss late Friday night benders with my friends in hope that we'll meet a couple of loose girls at a bar and get lucky. We talked a big game about how we would make out that night and the night never became anything we thought it would. I know that some people live like that and that's great for them, but I sure don't miss the disappointment of going out and coming home alone. I am glad I found the one for me and feel lucky to go home to her everyday.

Stephen Colbert on South Carolina

2006-10-11T13:22:00.000-04:00

This is several months late, but I just wanted to share Stephen Colbert's monlogue on the difference between South Carolina and Georgia in peach production

Enjoy...

Go Tigers!

2006-10-09T20:05:00.000-04:00

Pink noses, rain slickers, drunken and beligerant fans...this is Fall college football.

In our first taste of Autumn, the forecast in Winston-Salem was Sunny and Pleasant, however, the actual weather was upper forties, wet, and windy. Not pleasant, not pleasant at all. Polly and I came to visit family (sister Leslie, her husband Joey, and their 2-year-old son Evan) and venture into the home of the Demon Deacons in an effort to support our Clemson Tigers in their effort to better their record to 5-1 and halt the roll of Wake Forest in their apparent domination of the ACC. For the first three quarters, we felt embarassment, shame, and hostility as biblical Daniels in the Lion's den. As a foreigner in a land of endowment and tobacco, my family and I had no idea that the uppity undergrads of Wake Forest were so bitter and rude. I know that every college has their bad seeds, their obnoxious drunks in collegiate hard hats or bowties, but the comments, actions, and threats from the Deacon faithful verged on homicidal. With a flicker of Orange around me I felt confident that things wouldn't get out of hand. However, we endured the "SUCKS" that followed our spelling of C-L-E-M-S-O-N and the taunts from the "drunken asshole in the hard hat" who had written a clever phrase on his yellow, plastic helmet which read, "Tuck da' Figers." I have two theories on the choice of head gear for this "special" fan. Either he is consistent in his efforts to piss off all fans that come to Wake and he is protecting his head from sharp projectiles OR he has a pervasive emotional disorder that often leads to self mutilative behavior where he bangs his head...hard, on the closest brick wall.

All in all, I have to say that the last quarter was the most exciting time I have ever had at a football game. We played with poise and a little luck and all the trash talk that went uncontested was worth it. I have two things to say to these particular fans from Wake:
1)Now you've played a real college football team, beating Duke by a PAT doesn't count
2)Duck da' Feacons

A Joke

2006-10-04T12:58:00.000-04:00

If Pinnochio has a cocaine addiction and lies about it, does it just make it worse?

The Autumn Cometh

2006-10-02T09:54:00.000-04:00

Here in quaint, calm, equine-obsessive Aiken, South Carolina we don't have the typical seasons that are taught in early education. Ordinarliy the climate is either obsessively balmy or frickin' freezin'. Now I know what you are saying, "Robert, you live in the South...how cold could it really get??" Granted, we rarely dip below 32 degrees Farenheit, but our perception of the temperature is as real as any Northern forecast. Here in the South, we have no idea what it is like to deal with that type of weather and the effects that it has. We aren't forced to clean our cars on a weekly basis in order to prevent the road salt from eating through the lower half of our vehicles. During the spikes in fossil fuel prices we are only slightly exposed to the home heating costs that burden our neighbors to the North. And God forbid we see a single, solitary, unique flake of snow or see ice on any road...we will promptly close our schools and complain about how unsafe the conditions are for going anywhere. Overprotective and neurotic mothers will swarm the grocery stores like locusts and snatch up every gallon of milk, every loaf of bread, and jug after jug of drinking water until the shelves and coolers are barren.

I think its hilarious to listen to locals talk about how a different climate has no idea what it's like to be in their particular climate. People in the South boast that the humidity and the heat during our Summer months are unbearable, but we somehow make it through. Northerners can tell stories of times when so much snow fell that they literally had to tunnel out of their front door through the snow. Floridians and others in the Gulf area are annually threatened by hurricanes while midwesterners are plagued by the terror of Tornado Alley. These are clearly established patterns of meteorology and each person should be aware of the weather patterns of their particular locale. I don't care to hear of someone from Boston complaining that it's too cold when December and January come along. Similarly, with all sensitivity to those that have been affected by ANY hurricane or typhoon, if you live ANYWHERE in Florida, especially towards the south of the state, odds are that every year you are going to experience some sort of hurricane winds and rain. I can't stand these people that say year after year, "Poor me, poor, poor me." Get your crap together, sell your house, and MOVE!!!!

Sophie Grace

2006-09-17T16:56:00.000-04:00

In tradition with Logical Psycho...I would like to introduce the newest member of my family to the blogging world, my Goddaughter, Sophie Grace Vitali. Her stats came in as 8lbs, 50z and 21 inches long. She was born around 3:30pm on Friday, September 15th to the 2 nicest and generous people a child could ask for, Robin and Jason Vitali. Congratulations to the new parents and their new family member.

Border Bash 2006

2006-09-08T17:34:00.000-04:00

I hate myself for putting this picture on my website, but I strive to be a fair and balanced blogger, non partisan and a champion of free speech. In the spirit of that previous statement I will tell you all that I am a die-hard Clemson Tigers fan, my blood runneth Orange, and I have ill feelings for both the Gamecocks and the Bulldogs. However, when the planets align and these teams come to meet on the gridiron battlefield that means that Border Bash must be closely in tow. I'll take any opportunity to celebrate anything even if it invloves my intrastate rivalry and the interstate rivalry (I don't know which is which, but you catch my drift).

Tonight, my wife and I will be joining a friend to celebrate college football, still early in the season. As Clemson fans, we will walk amongst the droves of Cocks and Dawgs to drink overpriced alcohol and observe fans from all walks of life. My wife and I will be dressed in neutral colors as not to draw attention to ourselves. I am a die hard Clemson fan, but I am not stupid. I can just see it now...Polly and I getting into a fight with drunken fans in Black, Red, and Garnet. This brings to mind college football rivalries...or simply rivalries of any kind, sibling or other
Any others that come to mind??

Welcome Beta Blogger

2006-09-06T19:26:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to give a post to let everyone know that I am currently changing over to Beta Blogger so there might be a few new things that haven't been here before. Please bear with me as I try to find and experiment with the new features.

R.I.P. Pluto (1930-2006)

2006-08-24T15:38:00.000-04:00

Pluto: Pissed about demotion

It was announced at the International Astronomical Union, a conference of 2,500 astronomers from over 75 countries, that Pluto will no longer be classified as a planet. Under the new planetary requirements, Pluto will fall under the category of Dwarf Planets. Also on the docket for this momentus occasion was a very heated debate over who would emerge victorious in an all-out, battle royal, Summer Slam, Heavyweight clash of Star Wars versus Star Trek characters. This will be followed immediately by a Wedgie Scar competition and Swirly Story hour.
I just can't believe that the next generation of children will be taught in science classes that there are only 8 planets and not 9 as I was taught in grade school. Teachers will have lesson plans to rewrite, new posters to buy, and that diorama that I made in 6th grade of various sizes of painted styrofoam balls, hung from fishing line and a metal clothes hanger, ain't worth shit. I guess I could just take the tiny ball of Pluto off, but that would screw up any balance that I had achieved in creating that monstrosity. I won't pander to this planetary American Idol competition where Pluto has been named the weakest link. Goodbye. I can just imagine an eighties montage of Pluto hitting the gym, running up stairs, punching cow carcasses hung from the ceiling while Eye of the Tiger plays in the background and coming back to the IAU to say, "Look at me now! Am I accepted as a planet now??"

I guess what makes me most upset is that the mnemonic that I was taught as a lad has been sullied. It is now incomplete. My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas is now My Very Educated Mother Just Sent Us Nine...nine...nine what?!, nine apples? nine forks? Grade school science classes around the country will be holding competitions to find the new mnemonic to accomodate the new acronym: MVEMJSUN. In related nerdiness, a scientist at the California Institue of Technology by the name of Michael Brown discovered that there is an object in our solar system that is slightly larger than Pluto known by the moniker 2003 UB313. Also considered a dwarf planet, Brown nicknamed the icy object "Xena" after the emmy nominated (yeah, right), science fiction series, Xena: Warrior Princess. Mr. Brown is quoted as saying, "UB313 [Xena] is the largest dwarf planet. That's kinda cool."

No Mr. Brown, it is not cool. It never will be.

After making that statement, the football team came into Mr. Brown's office and gave him an atomic wedgie that he won't soon forget.

The Hockenbury's

2006-08-14T21:45:00.000-04:00

"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." As a reader, Robb did quite well in reciting the notorious First Epistle of St. Paul to the Church at Corinth. I must also concur with Robb as he calls Jay a great guy. Since Robb is waiting for his digital pictures to post more about the Hockenbury wedding, I shall add some that my wife was able to capture this past weekend.

This picture says it all. These two are kindred souls. They truly GET each other. The best part is, they have a great time while not taking themselves seriously. If only you could see the expertly choreographed number that Meghan and her friends performed to none other than Kenny Loggins' "Footloose" It rocked...hard.

Of course I cannot forget Robb and his FOUR dates!!! What a &%$#in' pimp! (From left to right: Tara, Rachel, Robb (AKA "Mac Daddy") Robb's wife Libby, and my beautiful wife, Polly)
This picture was taken right before the ceremony. As I was one of Jay's groomsmen, Robb was kind enough to escort my wife.

This picture can be best explained by saying that Scorbie is one kickass mofo..."By our powers combined..." Somewhere along the line I did not receive the memo that the wedding party was going to wear sunglasses upon entry to the reception. Fortunately, Scorbie was prepared and gave me a set of shades to use for the occasion. As we were getting dressed for the wedding, the question was raised, "Should we wear the suspenders with our tux or shoudn't we?" As you can see, Scorbie and I were on the same page and we rocked the suspenders. However, later as more people drank more alcohol, the suspenders became an ephemeral torturing contraption allowing the perpetrator to exert maximum pain while risking little due to a quick getaway from behind us. I guess that's just revenge for all the bra straps I pulled as a misguided and flirtatious youth...

There's more to this weekend, but, as with the honey moon post, I feel I would give it the best effort if I split them into 2 posts due to the fact that I am very tired. Coming soon!!! Part two!!!!

The Money Hoon

2006-08-14T21:12:00.000-04:00

Passenger Capacity: 2,974

Tonnage: 110,000

Ship Length: 953ft

Time spent with your wife on the cruise: Priceless

Yeah, I know that doesn't really fit but that's just what came to mind as I was rattling off statistics. What else can I say other than we had a really great time. Typically when I have taken any vacations in the past, before I know it, the trip is over and it is time to go home. This 8 day, 7 night cruise was a truly atypical vacation in that it truly lasted for the full week.

We began with a fun day at sea and Polly and I treated ourselves to a couples massage and seaweed wrap. I can honestly say that the thought of someone rubbing kelp all over my body wasn't exactly my idea of tension reduction, but let me tell you something, it...was...awesome. After the hot, green oatmeal had been spread over 95% of my body, I was wrapped in a huge piece of aluminum foil, covered with a blanket, and lowered into a warm bath. I felt like a taquito beind dropped into the deep fryer to be cooked crispy, wrapped in tin foil. For what seemed like an eternity of marinating in seaweed oatmeal and my own sweat, I awkwardly tried to keep parts of my body away from the thin layer of foil around me. All kidding aside, the trip to the spa was crazy expensive, but totally worth it.

At the first port, my wife and I stayed on the boat and enjoyed the peace and quiet while also taking advantage of the short lines for food and drinks, while most of the other passengers flocked to Cozumel. Many came back with authentic Carlos and Charlie t-shirts (Senor Frogs), most inappropriately on parents with impressionable tweenagers.

Next came the overcast visit to Belize. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, it is mostly a rainforest locale. During this port visit, Polly and I went on a cave tubing adventure that won't soon be forgotten. Whoever decided to mix spelunking and watersports and overcharge naive tourists for a flashlight and an inner tube that would certainly fail an OSHA inspection, is a ____damn genius. Again, we still had a blast:) It was un"BELIZE"able! (I apologize for this phrase, however I am under diplomatic obligation from our tour guide to use it at least once)

Coming soon, part 2 of our wonderful trip to the western carribbean...I know you can't wait!

Quickie

2006-08-13T21:53:00.000-04:00

I have returned from the weekend of golf, cheescake, friends, family, tears and laughter. 16 hours in a car were not enough to keep my wife and I from having the chance to be a part of Meghan and Jay's weekend. As a bonus, we were able to visit my brother and his girlfriend and their two dogs, Burley and Willie. Once I have had a chance to load the pictures from this weekend I will post more about the highlights of the wedding, the rehearsal, the golf outing and the reception.
Stay tuned!
For now, I am going to bed with my beautiful wife...we are no longer living in sin, we're married now:)

Posts to come

2006-08-09T22:28:00.000-04:00

Coming soon, posts about the honeymoon, and more nuptual madness coming after Jay's and Meghan's wedding this weekend!!!

Don't miss it

Click the links to get hints;)

Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

2006-07-24T21:07:00.000-04:00

I can honestly say that up until I walked out of the sanctuary of the church, heading towards the altar where I would await my bride, I had little to no anxiety or nervousness. My feet were warm and comfortable. Many asked, "Are you nervous?" I replied with honesty and truthiness that I was not nervous, I was cool, calm and collected. That all changed quite rapidly upon walking out and standing in front of the many guests, family, and friends gathered in the church. Another person told me prior to the wedding, "Don't worry about standing in front of everyone because nobody will be looking at you, their eyes will be on the bride." Whoever told me that was a Liar Liar pants on fire. Yes, once the doors swung wide open and my bride was walking down the aisle, heads did turn and the focus of 150 plus pairs of eyes were no longer on me. However, prior to that, there was a period of time when all 300 plus eyes were on me. In all the weeks prior to the wedding, in all my life I had never felt so much anxiety. It cannot explain why I was anxious, all I can say is that I think that I nearly had a panic attack. Thank god for Peeps.

Standing at the front of the church, at the front of the altar, the wedding party began the procession. The first person to come down the aisle was one of my best friends, Jay. I don't know what led me to look into his hand, but somehow I could see that his hand wasn't empty. Immediately I knew that whatever rested in his hand was meant for me. As it turned out, with my two brothers already standing next to me, each of my remaining groomsmen handed me a Peep that spelled out the message," BE- SURE-TO-DRINK-YOUR-OVALTINE." As I received each peep in a covert handshake from each groom, I discreetly placed each sugar encrusted, marshmallow treat in my rented tuxedo pockets (so much for that security deposit). With each groom came smaller and smaller pocket space. Luckily the peeps came in an even number and I was able to place three in each pocket. Although this was quite embarassing it helped take my focus off of being nervous and allowed me to calm down and remember to have fun. So I would like to thank everyone who was behind this brilliant, for lack of a better term, prank. I would especially like to thank Matt who showed courage and diligance in the face of the Nazi wedding director by not letting her take his peep. Not that he will ever see this post because he believes that computers are evil and I don't think he knows what the internet is...

I'll leave you with a picture that says it all...

If it's broken, fix it

2006-06-09T12:56:00.000-04:00

As a relatively recent alumnus of Clemson University, I was captivated by the tragedy of Tiffany Souer's death and the pursuit of her murderer. I have to say that my interest was slightly biased in this case due to my history with the school, meaning that if this terrible crime had occured at another college I wouldn't have followed it as closely and I wouldn't have been as relieved when the suspect was caught. I think that it is human nature to focus more attention on events that are less removed from you. Things that are closer to home we often give more attention to than others. I would tune into CNN or Fox News to check on the status of leads that the police might have. I wanted details about the time, the place, the evidence that was left. Reports on the news mentioned that there was DNA evidence at the scene and I replayed scenarios similar to CSI reruns in my mind.

A few days later I woke to news reports that there was a suspect in custody. Jerry Buck Inman. Not Jerry Inman or "Buck" Inman...Jerry Buck Inman. Not an odd name, but I was surprised to see that "Buck" was not in quotations, meaning that this was his real name, and not a nickname that he went by. The full name makes this man sound more evil than a simple first name and surname combination would. The simple "Jerry Inman" doesn't strike fear into the hearts of cable news faithfuls. Jerry Inman sounds like the neighbor that lends you his ratchet set and is the vice president of your neighborhood association. Jerry BUCK Inman sounds like a man capable of evil deeds. Think Lee Harvey Oswald and John Wayne Gacy.

The report on the news stated that Jerry Buck Inman not necessarily confessed to the murder, but he hadn't denied his involvement with the Clemson girl's death. As time went on, more and more details were released about this monster and his terrible past littered with kidnapping, rape, and various other criminal offenses that would certainly have him incarcerated for the remaining years of his natural existence. But no, this sick, twisted cretin is roaming the streets, picking girls out at random to fulfill his deranged sexual/homicidal urges. I understand that there is overcrowding in our jail systems across the country, but I haven't heard one report that this maniac had any qualities that would classify him as a redeemable human being.

The question is: Why was this man out walking the streets when he should have been behind bars? I understand that there is overcrowding in our jail systems, but with all of the warning signs and red lights that this guy gave off in his violent/crazed history, someone in the legal system dropped the ball big time. HE COMMITTED RAPE WHILE INCARCERATED!!! A reformed citizen he was not! Whoever parolled this man has these crimes on their conscience and should have trouble sleeping at night.

The Summer of Love...It's wedding season!

2006-05-19T06:47:00.000-04:00

There must be something in the water. Wait, that can't be right. There's too much geography between the many people getting married this summer for that to be the case. If that were true, the water supply of the whole country would have to be contaminated. But, I think you get what I mean. It would probably be more accurate to say that a lot of people that I know or am acquainted with through my fiancee are tying the knot over the summer. Cousins, coworkers, friends, ourselves, this is getting out of hand.
HOWEVER...free food, free booze, dancing, music and fun times...Bachelor parties and the lot. What's not to like?
It seems like two minutes ago I was getting hammered on a random tuesday, milking the help desk for everything it was worth, and scraping up money to eat at Peppinos after ultimate practice. Where did the time go? I remember being 15 and thinking that it would take forever to graduate high school. I can recall someone telling me that before I knew it, I would be graduating college and getting a job. I'd like to think that I lived those years to the fullest but I can't be sure. I resolve to make the rest of my years more fulfilling and meaningful.

Sleeps with the fishes

2006-05-10T07:13:00.000-04:00

I just had to share this experience with everyone because I don't know how many people I know have ever had the opportunity to dump massive amounts of concrete in a secluded area next to a pond. I felt like a made man, doing a job for the family...

Since school is over and my time is only limited to thesis work, I have picked up a job working as an assistant in a plumbing/electrical company here in Aiken. I know it has nothing to do with my line of schooling, but man does it rock (Pun definitely intended)! The money is good and I would never have imagined that I would have the chance to work with concrete, hydraulic lifts, 8 foot augers, and much much more. I think down the road I will get to drive a bulldozer!!

As a kid I remember having tonka toys and watching some special on PBS about "earth movers" and thinking to myself that "What a fantastic job that would be!" I was right. The moment that my boss told me that I could play with these "toys" I have been as excited as I have ever been about working. To this day I still watch TLC, The Discovery Channel, and The History Channel to learn about mega movers and modern marvels and I remain fascinated. Wearing a tool belt to work is the most REmasculating thing any man could do. So if the girlfriend is making you watch too many episodes of Sex and the City or Will and Grace, just buckle up a tool belt filled with screw drivers, pliers, a hammer, and some black electrical tape and go fix something.

As obvious as it may sound, on a construction site, the language is not for the timid or conservative. The problem is that most people on a construction site only have foul mouths because they feel they have to be overly male in front of the other workers. Some people have a way with obscenities like artists with paint or plaster, but these people projectile vomit curse words. Not that I have a virgin mouth, but when I use foul language it is for a reason. I just stay quiet and try to learn the job. To speak without thinking is to shoot without aiming.

Graduation

2006-05-09T20:05:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to post some recent photos of my graduation here in Aiken. I was awarded the Master of Science in Clinical Psychology and all I have left to do is finish my thesis. The topic of my thesis is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and the role of expectancy effects on the outcome of the procedure (as I am sure anyone reading this is sleeping by now, it is much more boring and tedious than you think). The red t-shirts that we are holding above say "Psych Majors are Crazy in Bed." Down below and to the left is a picture of me, Polly, Libby, and my Dad. Then to the right is a picture of my buddy Mike and I holding out our hands in honor of being Clemson grads. At the end of the graduation ceremony we were forced to sing the Caolina alma mater, in protest, Mike and I held our hands out as in Clemson's alma mater rather than giving a toast to Carolina. Hope you enjoy the pictures.

A Friendly Game of Tag (not to be confused with the man perfume, uh cologne)

2006-05-03T12:52:00.000-04:00

The tag blog:

Top 6 Annoying Things/Habits About Me, Embarassing Secrets, Guilty Pleasures (update your bloggin ass already):

1. I am obsessed with telling people that I heard whatever music before it got popular. I know that people probably say "who gives a shit that you were listening to Maroon5 in 1999" but that's okay cause they're jealous that i can predict future pop stars.

2. I buy many books in an effort to seem "well read" but I have finished only a fraction. This is partially not my fault since I am in grad school, therefore most of my extra time is spent analyzing scholarly journals and scientific papers. I give myself a Mulligan in the expectation that following the end of this semester I will be able to sit and read these books.

3. At one point I owned 2 seasons of Smallville on DVD, I still own The O.C. seasons one and two. I have a weakness for teenage mellowdrama (ask Robb about Dinner and Dawson's) and I am a comic book geek (seriously, I own over 400 comic books, magic the gathering cards, baseball cards, and random memorabilia)...perhaps this should count as number 3 and 4 in my tag.

4. See above: comic book geek/14 yr old girl

5. I sometimes catch myself chewing with my mouth open. I make a "smacking" noise that even gets on my nerves when I am munching solo.

6. I wear t-shirts from a decade ago that have many holes and some even have pit stains that refuse to be washed out in the most high tech, front loading, high efficiency washing machines. In addition, I have borrowed many t-shirts from friends and have never given them back, Robb I believe I have 5 or 6 of yours.

Well, that about wraps it up and I think Polly would agree with this group...I don't know anyone in the blogging world to tag since everyone that I am acquainted with has already been tagged. I am afraid the game ends with me:(

Stars and Stripes

2006-04-10T00:08:00.000-04:00

I don't wave an American flag in my front yard and there are no yellow, "Support our Troops" magnets displayed on my car. I didn't realize how patriotic I could feel until this past weekend.

I'll set the scene: Three of us, my fiancee, a friend, and myself were sitting in a food court area in Atlanta Hartsfield International airport enjoying General Tso's Chicken and fried rice when we heard whistling and clapping coming from the other side of the atrium. Led by a woman holding Old Glory, there were a couple dozen of our nation's finest soldiers dressed in desert camo, looking too fresh and too clean to be returning from any forward area of combat. As I stood and clapped, I felt like a fraud, I felt like I was doing the bare minimum to show my patriotism. Yet, there were others in the area that knew what as going on that didn't stand, that didn't even clap and I realized how divided and diluted our country actually is. I couldn't help but think which of these young, brave men and women would not be coming back from their service overseas.

I don't think I will ever know what it feels like to defend my country and I know that it is every American's right to question our government and our leadership, but the lack of respect of these people that didn't even clap their hands was shocking to experience. Regardless of your view of the war and why we are sending troops there, or why we shouldn't be sending troops there, if I see someone sitting and not giving our military the respect they deserve, by god I will walk over to you and kick you in the balls (or the crotch, if you are a girl).

The Apple of Discord

2006-03-22T19:57:00.000-05:00

As I have mentioned in at least one previous post, I have an insatiable desire to learn the orgins of words and phrases in particular. The topic of this post as you can see from the title is "The Apple of Discord." My original interest for this phrase was rooted in the word Discordia, which is the Roman name of the Greek goddess Eris and part of the title of a book, Principia Discordia. After 6 degrees of Wikipedia, I found a story called the Judgement of Paris which is a background tale about the Trojan War and its origin.

In short, this chick Eris was pissed because she didn't warrant an invite to a social event of Grecian proportions. Enraged and bitter, she threw an apple into the party with the word "Kallisti" enscribed on said fruit. Translated, this word means "to the fairest" or "to the prettiest." In an argument over who got the title of "Kallisti"est, three of the more prominent female Greek goddesses Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite were bitchin' about who should get the apple. Fearful of the consequences that he would face from these three women by making this judgement, Zeus passed the buck to a mortal by the name of Paris (Orlando Bloom's character in Troy).

Now this was before the time of swimsuit and talent competitions, so Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite offered Paris many bribes to be named "the fairest of them all." Paris gave into Aphrodite's promise of the love of Helen of Sparta after snubbing Hera's offer of being King of Europe and Asia, and Athena's proposition of wisdom and skill in war. The rest is a part of the Trojan War epic.

Back to the original point of this post is that phrases like "bone of contention" or "the crux of the story" have their roots in this tale of Greek legend. My apologies for geeking out over this, but I can't help it. I am sure that the time that I spent researching this post is in profound disproportion to the outcome of replies that will follow. Yet, down the road I will be waiting to give my knowledge to some unsuspecting victim that could give a shit about Greek gods and their exploits.

Two of 2

2006-03-21T20:35:00.000-05:00

Allison, Joey, and Laurie

Just a couple more pictures to give the world...there were plenty of goofy Polly faces but I am being censored:), instead, please enjoy funny face Robert

A Shower of Couples....(1 of 2)

2006-03-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

This weekend my fiancee and I were honored with family, friends, coworkers, and more at the First Annual Giving of Presents to Robert and Polly. This event will continue to be held each year, ah what the hell, how about bimonthly?? The soiree was rittled with food, drinks, and embarassing as well as hilarious games in which Polly and I were asked to indicate our most anticipated "position" for the honeymoon. In an effort not to incriminate ourselves, we answered in a conservatively boring way with "Horizontally." Enjoy the pics (of the shower, not of our "position")

Paddy Tanager the Caddy Manager, yeah it rhymes, big whoop, wanna fight about it??

2006-03-19T12:25:00.000-05:00

[Insert Stereotyped Irish Greeting Here],
just wanted to post some new pictures from St. Patrick's Day. The green beers flowed freely while the band played one song followed by a 30 minute sabaticle to adjust their amateurish light show, thankfully we were drunk and the band sucked anyway.

Cheers

Volkswagen Commercials

2006-03-10T14:16:00.000-05:00

Don't know if any of you have seen these commercials yet, but they are hilarious. Here's one for you to check out.

Damned if you do...

2006-03-09T18:53:00.000-05:00

And interest rates have risen again...stupid inflation. A member of the land barrons has taken a hit...the question is, "To lock, or not to lock." The mortgage on the house is dependent on the interest rate that we get and the rate has risen twice this week. Do we lock in the current interest rate, in fear of a continual ruse in interest rates...OR do we wait and gamble, hoping that the rate will fall before we close at the end of the month. After Robb enlightened me to why interest rates were rising, I don't know how good I feel about buying a Japanese car. But I really, really like my Civic. As a guy that doesn't like to take a lot of risk, I think I will lock in the rate that is current for fear of the rates rising yet again. With my luck, the rates will probably fall to a twenty-year low after we complete the final paperwork after we close.

The way economics function is a complete and utter mystery to me and the people that are able to understand how the global market, I envy. From what little I understand, it seems to me that the current global market can be likened to economic chaos theory. However instead of the butterfly and the hurricane, we can think of it in terms of consumers and recessions or stocks and affluence. Everything is interdependent. It is a domino effect of economics where a potato famine in Russia increases the price of Finnish vodka.

This can also be applied to the outcome of human behavior. Psychoanalysts such as Sigmund "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" Freud believed that maladaptive human behavior can be traced back to a developmental hang up from our childhoods. He outlined critical stages of development that, if we were to not meet that developmental milestone, we would be stuck in that particular stage until we were adults. He believed that this was the cause of neuroses in the human mind. While his views and ideas, in their application, were quite extreme (specifically in their interpretation of sexuality), I think the overall gist is probably true. I believe in the intrinsic goodness of people. I don't think that anyone is born evil, or good for that matter. However, I am not a full supporter of nurture. I think that there are innate tendencies for each person based on genetic makeup, but these tendencies do not solidify a person's future. For example, children of alcoholics may have a genetic predisposition to become alcoholics themselves, but that doesn't condemn them to a life of AA meetings and 12 step programs. And these people that use their parents as an excuse for their problems can piss off, life doesn't owe you anything because of how you were raised. It's time people started standing up and taking responsibility for themselves. (Kindly stepping down from my soapbox)

It seems like I am contradicting myself, I know. On one hand I am saying that your childhood does bear weight on your outcome as an adult, but I am also saying that you can't use what happened to you as an excuse. What I am trying to say is that nowadays, shitty things happend to a lot of people when they are growing up, some may lose a friend or a parent, some are abused and neglected, God forbid they are sexually abused, but we all make decisions on what we know is right and wrong. Just make sure you make more of the former than the latter.

My Office

2006-03-03T13:09:00.000-05:00

Effin PalmPilots. Notice the shiny plastic packaging that surrounds the Zire31. These Palms are encased in the most difficult plastic vault that has ever been conceived by Clemson packaging science majors. They give you a diagram on the back about how to open the package with scissors. Does it work? NO! You end up cutting your hand, throwing the contraption across the room, and shouting obscenities at the little sliver of plastic demonics that cut your hand as you were trying to open the package. You know what's worse? I had to open 8 of these fucking things. EIGHT?!? They should enclose the little black box on airplanes in this material or use them as bulet-proof vests. It's like freakin' Fort Knox to get into this thing.

Now I know what you are thinking...Why in God's name does he have EIGHT PalmPilots?? Did they happen to fall off a truck and are now being auctioned on ebay to the highest bid? Nope. Is he some lead operative for the government giving his team devices for a covert op (that's operation for those reading that aren't spy savvy)?? Not so much. The true and BORING answer is that they are a part of my Independent Research project here on USCA campus. I really wish I was a head of a covert op team...I'd have them infiltrate the local Taco Bell and disable their ability to charge me 79 damn cents every time I use my debit card to feed my addiction of the Chicken Baja Chalupa, wait, no...I'll have them add 79 cents everytime I use it. Whoa, where was I?? Oh yeah, eventually these contraptions will be handed out to students for a study that is going to measure daily hurt and reactivity. Currently I am programming the questionnaires that the students will complete using the PalmPilots. Wish me luck:)

When it rains...

2006-03-03T07:42:00.000-05:00

I love Target. In a recent post I mentioned that my fiancee and I bought (are in the process of buying) a new house. What I did not mention is that the house we are moving to is damn near walking distance to our favorite store. Right now we live a 15 minute drive from the store, but upon relocation we'll have a maximum of 5 minutes in the car.

Yesterday, my Fiancee, Polly received over 200$ in Target giftcards in addition to throngs of gifts from her coworkers at her first of several showers. This is a very fun time for the engaged couple. The women get to pick out china, linens, serving dishes, cooking utensils, etc. The list can go on and on. Men get to hold the scanner gun and shoot the UPCs at the local Bed Bath and Beyond. However, the advent of the online registry has taken some of that glory away from the guys. On our first visit to Target, Polly and I had a deal: She picked out what we wanted and I got to shoot the item with the scanner gun. Everyone was happy. Polly had control of what we got and I got to exercise my real-life, first-person shooter fantasies with the scanner as my weapon of choice. Then came http://www.Target.com/giftregistry. Now, my Fiancee checks the list at least twice a day to add new items. I have no scanner gun at home, she has an optical mouse that clicks items with deadly accuracy. Were talkin' frickin' laser beams you guys. Pottery Barn is another deal all together. There isn't a Pottery Barn for 150miles in any direction, therefore, no scanner gun for me. At least with Target I have a chance that we will go back someday to scan more gifts. I can't complain though, I am grateful that she keeps up with the things we want for our new house. Lord knows that if it was left up to me we'd end up with Ramen Noodles, an XBOX360, an oil can of Foster's in the fridge, and an egg crate in the corner of our bedroom.

Who still uses cash?

2006-03-01T11:21:00.000-05:00

Fast food restaurants resisted, if only for a little while...Wendy's and Subway pioneered the use of the credit/debit card for their customer's convenience and it has since become commonplace for the McDonalds, Burger Kings, and Taco Bells of the country to accept this form of payment. Which brings me to Taco Bell...What gives you assholes the right to charge me .79$ each time I use my card?!? Of course I can't resist the Baja Chalupa and I am too damn lazy to take a trip to the ATM. (Random Tangent) Speaking of ATMs, I want to point something out to people that say, "I have to go get money from the ATM machine." You redundant imbecil. ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine. So when you say, "ATM machine," you are, in fact, saying, "Automatic Teller Machine Machine." So....Stop it. That goes the same for people that order a Cheese Quesadilla. Queso in Spanish means CHEESE, there is no purpose in reiterating the fact that you want cheese...it's included in the name. Bottom line, if you want shredded cheese, grilled on a flour tortilla and folded in half, like an omlette, just say, "I want a quesadilla." You might prevent a hispanic waiter/waitress from laughing at your ignorant gringo ass behind your back. (Back to my point) Paper money is slowly becoming archaic, generations ahead of us will have no concept of the value of money because they will be raised in an age where currency is a matter of moving digital numbers around, bills will all be paid online, and shopping will be done largely on the net. I am positive about the expulsion of paper money when I think about the germs and bacteria that cash is capable of carrying. Everytime you touch a bill, you are touching every person that touched the bill before you. It's kinda like having unprotected sex. Soon we'll have to wear latex gloves when handling cash.

The Heezy

2006-02-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

Polly in the kitchen and the dining room in the near ground.

Looking out to the fenced in backyard from the living room

The word of the day is "SOLD"

These are just the first few pictures from our house. This purchase brings many new projects and responsibilities to the table such as decoration, painting, landscaping, maintanence, upkeep, feng shui, mortgage payments, tax deductions, termite inspections, homeowners insurance, escrow, etc. I am actually looking forward to replacing fixtures, painting the rooms, planting fresh herbs in the backyard, the list goes on and on.

We close and sign our lives away on March 30th, the housewarming party will definitely and soon follow. We doin' bar-b-q, bitches...BAR-B-Q!!!

Carol Ann Rehr-My Niece

2006-02-27T15:36:00.000-05:00

She came into the world at 20 inches long, 8lbs and 7oz of kicking and screaming at 4:30pm on February 24th, 2006...my niece is adorable and as a proud Uncle Robert, I must force my pictures on the only person that reads my blog...Polly:)

Long live blues, bluegrass, folk

2006-02-23T13:55:00.000-05:00

I would have to say that I am an obscure music miner...my tastes swing back and forth from genre to genre, anywhere from rock, indie, hip-hop (some), country to electonric, and yes, blues, bluegrass, and some folk music...
That means that my iPod might include Liz Phair, Norah Jones, Coheed and Cambria, Amos Lee , Kanye West, The Postal Service, Buddy Guy , the Dhuks, and Death Cab for Cutie all on the same playlist. I'll admit it, I think that I have the best music taste of most of the people that I know. That may sound conceited and it is, but if you think about it, no one would ever say that they have terrible taste in music because everyone likes what they like. I guess a better way to put this is that I think that I have one of the larger ranges of musical tastes of all people that I know. I couldn't imagine being restricted to one particular category of music to choose from when loading my iPod for recreational listening.

Currently listening to: "Do you want to" by Franz Ferdinand

Anxiously awaiting the album from: The Little Willies

Obsessively listening to: "I've got dreams to remember" by Buddy Guy featuring John Mayer

I recently got XM radio for my birthday and my life hasn't been the same since. I used to rely on other fellow music miners (robb in particular) to enlighten me on new talent. Now I have the widest range of music that I have ever had and it keeps getting better. If the satellite radio bug hasn't gotten to you yet, let me endorse the service right now...for all those ACC fans out there I would suggest XM as opposed to SIRIUS because XM carries ACC college sports. The only complaint that I can give about satellite radio is that the signal can get blocked at times and the music is dropped. However, the system is quite quick to recover the signal.

Furthermore, if you ever need recommendations on new music, please let me know. I am more than happy to share my library. I will continue to comment on music that I am currently listening to in order to give others some idea of what my tastes are.

My Profile Picture

2006-02-22T14:48:00.000-05:00

The Money Pittance

2006-02-21T20:14:00.000-05:00

I don't know how it happened...one minute I was a freewheelin', low responsibility, night-clubbin' sexy kinda guy. Now I have traded all that freedom in for a beautiful fiance, a new car, a house...I mean, how did all of this happen in less than a year?!

I am very happy to say that Polly and I have put in a contract on a house that we really love and the offer was accepted. It worked perfectly-she has the bank account and I have the credit. I don't know how I got such a high credit score...who knew that taking 3 years to pay off an XBOX that you bought with a Target credit card wouldn't affect your credit score at all!! If I had known that, I would have taken even longer to pay that damn thing off!

But seriously, in the world of interest rates and minimum payments I have reached a new level of maturity. As Amos Lee would say "I think it's kinda strange how money makes a man grow." Does that mean that debt makes a man shrink?? Student loans, car liens, and mortgages...oh my! By the way, Robb, there's no need to come and kick my ass, we did NOT do 100% financing. We are putting money down. Any donations will be accepted, please be generous.

The Mutt's Nuts

2006-02-20T15:50:00.000-05:00

I have a small obsession with language...origin, use, development, etc. I will repeatedly listen to a song that I like in order to learn the correct words to the song. Busta Rhymes, Twista, and Outkast have proven to be difficult dragons to slay in terms of deciphering the lyrics. Other notable songs include "One Week" by barenaked ladies and "Bombs Over Baghdad" by the notorious ATLiens, Outkast.

Often I am amazed at how phrases in England (where they speak English!!) may not carry as much weight here in the States as they do in the mother country. One particular phrase that I have come to admire is the phrase "The Dog's Bollocks." Loosely translated it refers to the genitalia of Man's Best Friend. In England it would be a compliment to be referred to as the Dog's Bollocks. It means the top, the best, the peak of whatever the context of the phrase in which it is being used. Another permutation of this phrase is "the Mutt's Nuts."
Could you use that in a sentence please? In the world of hip-hop, rap and R&B, I would have to say that Outkast is the mutt's nuts. This has been your lesson in language for the week, please remember to use this knowledge only for the gain of the admiration of others. The author will not by liable for any humiliation suffered under the improper usage of this phrase.

Lilly

2006-02-20T10:26:00.000-05:00

Here she is, the crazy, cute, poop-eater.
She's 90 percent angel and 10 percent schizophrenic.

Psycho Insomnia

2006-02-17T14:56:00.000-05:00

Transient insomnia, by definition can last from one to a few weeks. That seems to me like a large range of time to be not getting any sleep. I can't say that I have had a lot of good sleep recently. I can explain it away to many factors that may include, but are not limited to: temperature of the bedroom, stress, anxiety...lately I can't seem to quiet my mind as I had been able to before. After staying up for Adult Swim (Futurama, Family Guy) I slept in small spurts not ever reaching a deep sleep. After fighting for hours I decided to make the most of my insomnia and get up to do some much needed school work. I got to sleep around 4:30am just to wake up at 6:15am to get ready for work. It is pretty phenomenal what we can do on such a miniscule sliver of rest. Pounding caffeine and breakfast foods packed with refined sugars, is the only way to survive. 11am rolled around and I was faltering slowly, the rests between my yawning becoming shorter and shorter. The only thing that I can hope for at this point is that by not getting enough sleep last night, I will pass the fuck out when it comes time for bed tonight.
If that doesn't happen, Tylenol PM it is:)

Engagement Picture

2006-02-16T21:31:00.000-05:00

Just a quick pic of the girl that stole my affections

Rude Awakening

2006-02-16T14:53:00.000-05:00

You've had this kind of day before. The moment you are conscious, something isn't right...there's too much light outside coming in from the windows for you to be gettting up on time. Immediately you spring from the bed realizing that you are going to be late. Your body doesn't do you the service of sleeping until its late enough to say "Fuck it, I'm not going to be on time anyway, no need to rush." No, you body wakes you at the precise moment that you are supposed to be at work, so rushing is the only option. At this point you get dressed and are alert faster than you have ever accomplished in your life. Men with snub-nosed pistols raised in the air and chronometers in the other hand are coaching you to a faster time...No time for brushing your teeth! Don't forget to turn off the coffee maker! Your zipper is down! Bam...you're out the door. Keys! Shit...okay, back in, out and in the car. The story rages on to catching EVERY RED LIGHT that you never catch and getting stuck behind lazy assholes that are obviously not as important as you to rush to work! For the rest of the day, everything is off, as if to say that you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. This is not how your day is supposed to go and it is VERY clear when it is not going the way that it is supposed to.
The fact that I need Polly in my life is obvious and reinforced today. Things just aren't the same without her.

2006-02-15T18:18:00.000-05:00

I will conquer all!